Even with everything that had happened lately, Sam didn't think he'd ever been so drained in his life.
His chest felt like an open wound exposed to the elements and breathing had long ago became a burden. His body had collapsed again, so he lay on the floor of Skye's office, staring at the ceiling.
"Come on, Sam," she muttered. "Stop denying it."
"I'm not denying anything," he said between gritted teeth.
She'd spent the past three hours forcing him to recount all the details of the night he'd broken up with Christine, how he'd felt about every tiny little thing.
Easy. Inappropriate, a failure, unlovable. Always unlovable.
"Yes, you are," Skye insisted.
"I'm not! Christine cheated on me. She's been sleeping with Harry behind my back for maybe months. Where's this denial you keep seeing?"
There was movement. He turned his head the slightest bit to see her sitting on the floor next to him, her legs curled up under her.
"Not that, Snowflake. You're very capable of admitting facts. But you won't heal unless you admit the effect the facts have on you. You won't heal until you admit that she broke you."
Her words sent a new wave of pain through him. Because she was right. He'd tried so hard to keep himself together that he hadn't let the consequences of what happened really sink in. Not beyond the obvious. Because going deeper was terrifying and might open the gates to a whole new hell.
"I'm right, aren't I?" Skye asked, sinking the metaphorical knife deeper into his chest.
He closed his eyes and nodded. Tears streamed down his cheeks. Would it help? Letting it all out, finally admitting what it meant to him?
"Do it. I know it hurts, but you need to lay it all out in the open before we can start rebuilding. There would be no point if you kept something suppressed, ready to destroy everything without notice."
Like building a house on unstable ground. Yes, he could see the logic in her statement. Maybe she had a point.
"Visualize," she whispered.
Visualize what? He opened his eyes, but only the ceiling greeted him, so he closed them again. It was scary and the only reason he was even considering this was because he'd come to trust Skye and her crazy methods. So, in the darkness, he finally admitted it to himself.
He wasn't strong, as much as he tried. What Christine did, Harry's betrayal... They'd broken him, and the control he'd forced on himself was just an illusion. He felt as if he were in a hole in the ground. And the visuals Skye wanted finally appeared.
Christine was there, looking down at him with contempt, a shovel in her hand. And just like that, she tossed moist earth right over him. Fitting imagery, being buried by those who had killed his hope, his ability to love.
Harry joined her on the edge of the grave, whistling while he worked to get the job done faster. Yes, this was so fitting. It felt so real. He could feel the ground under him, smell the damp earth. Every shovelful weighed on his chest.
What shocked him a little was that his exhausted mind chose to take it further. Freider appeared next to them, joining the effort to erase him from the world. Before Sam could wrap his mind around this new appearance, Lee Hannigan joined the party, that entitled grin on his face.
And Sam understood. His stress factors. It wasn't just Harry and Christine, it was his family, it was the Agency, everything joining forces to bring him down. Fear grabbed hold of him and he opened his eyes, but he could still see them, and the load on his chest was heavier every passing second. He couldn't breathe.
YOU ARE READING
Lose Control (The Jewel Project #5)
Adventure"It's never going to end, is it? The rivalry, the hatred, the madness. Not even now. Not even after so many years." It has been three years since the last jewel was recovered, and the Agency seems to have put the project to rest. They have a new tar...
