Lose Control (The Jewel Project #5)

37.1.|| Proof is in the Pain

Jessie knew she should move away from Kay's door. There was nothing she could do there, it was out of her hands. And yet, she couldn't. Because she wanted to make sure everything was fine, that it all worked out.

Kyle had only been inside that room for 30 seconds, but it felt like 30 years.

Just go. It's none of your business. This wasn't her relationship. It was up to them. It was--

She froze mid-step as the door to Kay's room opened and Kyle came out. By the fleeting look he gave her, she could tell everything had somehow gone to shit. Without a word, he headed down the hall, towards his room. 

Jessie lingered, unsure what she should do. Two doors down, Kyle dropped on the floor and leaned his back against the wall.

Shit. She rushed over, but once she was there, she had no idea what to do. So she just sat next to him. His hands shook, and there was a weird, very uncharacteristic tremble in his chin as he seemed to be hovering between rage and misery.

"What happened?" she whispered.

"It's over," he said, his voice thick.

Before Jessie could even compute his words, tears escaped down his cheeks. Her heart clenched uncomfortably and his pain seemed to reverberate inside her. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him against her, needing the contact as much as him. He leaned his forehead on her shoulder, his body shaking with repressed sobs. He was crying. 

In the years she'd known him, he'd gone through hell. He'd thought Sam and Tom were dead, that Kay was dead, that they were all going to die, and yet he'd never shed so much as a tear. But now he was breaking down in her arms and all Jessie could think about was throttling Kay. She'd said she wanted to apologize, fix things, not crush him.

Jessie had no idea what to do or say beyond holding him, letting him unload. His body still shook and her shoulder was wet with tears. A part of her wanted to speak, rage, tell him that Kay lied to her, claimed to want to apologize. Maybe she had and he misunderstood. But she couldn't give him hope when maybe there was none. What would be the point?

Tears filled her eyes as well, with pain for him, for Kay, for a relationship that looked so perfect from the outside. It took what felt like forever, but Kyle finally pulled away from her and leaned his head against the wall again, his forearms on top of his knees. His eyes were dry.

Jessie mirrored his pose, focusing on the ornate chandelier above them. "I'm really sorry."

"You were right, you know," he said, his voice even, no traces of lingering tears in it. "I just needed her to be the way she used to. Because I need her to take care of me, too, ya know? Give me the sense of safety, give me a home. I don't need her to be an alpha. I'm alpha enough for both of us."

"But you were right, Kyle," she whispered. "She owes you more than what she was giving."

"Yeah, true..." His voice held no trace of emotion. "I thought I would be free. That after all the frustration I've been feeling, finally ending it would be a relief. It's not. I'd rather go back into that hell than this one. "

Jessie turned and took his face in her hands. "I know it sucks right now, but if this is what she really wants, dragging it one would've just made it more painful."

There was a haze in his eyes that began to hint at the agony inside him. "I know ." He let out a long sigh. "I should've been honest with her. Tell her what bothered me, not wait for her to own up to it. She never has, not really. If there's one thing Kay hates, it's to admit that she's wrong."

"Don't we all?"

"No. Not like her. Not that it matters anymore." Kyle pushed himself to his feet. "Too late for that. I need to get wasted."