Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

38

I inhale quickly after yelling. It was my first instinct, I couldn't think of anything else. I'm in a hospital completely helpless, I can't defend myself in anyway. If he's come here to kill me it won't take much.

So, I scream. It's my only method of self defense.

"No. Wait wait wait." He says quickly, walking closer to my bed.

"This can't be real." I mumble as I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I tried to tell Christian this morning, and he wouldn't listen to me. He left without a second thought, just assuming I'd be safe and my accusations were crazy. Is he okay?

Did August see him? If he did he could be dead. Oh my god. Maybe he's here to throw it in my face.

I grab onto the remote beside my bed with the button you click for emergencies on it. I'm holding it as if I'll hit him with it if he comes closer, knowing that my body lacks the strength to manage an effective hit.

"No. I'm not here to hurt you." He blurts out.

My chest heaves up and down as I struggle to manage my nerves. My whole body feels like static. It feels like I'll melt.

"Hurt me!?" I scoff.

He's not here to hurt me? Why? because he's done enough of it? Is this supposed to be a favor? If he's not here to kill me and get it over with, I can't imagine what he's actually here for.

"I'm here to make amends." August looks at me with a straight expression.

"What!" My voice comes out in a high pitched screech.

Make amends? He must be crazier than I initially assumed. How can he think making amends is even possible? It's not like he broke up with me or stole my dog, he murdered my mother. Made my life the mess it is now.

I've tried to avoid thinking about him at all cost, because I've always known that if I did I'd go into a spiral of emotions. I couldn't even cope with the loss of my mother by itself. The idea of dealing with that and knowing someone who I sort of trusted murdered her is too much.

I hadn't thought about seeing him again because I just assumed it was damn near impossible. How could he ever show his face again? Especially if it's not to finish what he left behind.

I imagine the absurd idea. In my head it wasn't a reunion, it was my revenge plot coming to life. I wanted to kill him. I thought about all the ways I'd do it, all the scenarios we could end up in.

In all of them he died. He died by my hand. I thought about killing him for a long time, and not once did I think about how murdering someone would affect me. I didn't care at the time, I just hated him with everything in me.

and I still do. I hate him so much. I know it's not good to hate anyone, but it's inevitable when it comes to him. I can't help but to hate him.

I wouldn't spit on his burning body to save his life. I wouldn't stop someone from ending his life if I was paid to just snap my fingers. I hate him that much.

"I'm sorry." He elaborates. "It's- I don't know what to say to you-"

"Get out!" I demand.

I don't even trust that he wants to apologize. My first thought is that this is a set up. How stupid does he think I am? How stupid would I be to fall for the same thing twice? He must be joking.

"No, Catalina I'm sorry. I don't know what-"

"Get out!" I raise my voice to talk over him.

Despite the prominent fear that I know is showing. My whole face is red, I can tell because I feel my cheeks on fire. My knuckles are white from gripping the remote so tightly in my hand.