Insecure {AUGUST ALSINA}

51

(Referring to the ranking) Just wanted to poster and say thanks to every one who reads. The last time it was ranked #2, and I don't think I thanked you guys for helping it get there and that's probably why it went down 😂😂, but it means a lot considering that sometimes I'm really insecure about my writing and if it's any good or not, but thanks for reading and supporting the story.

AUGUST
From my peripheral vision, I can see Melody's baby blue hand bag. I just don't have the energy to get up and walk away before she takes a seat on the hospital bench beside me.

"What?" 

"Nothing." She calmly responds, not condescending in any way.

"Are you here for Ashton? because he's Catalina's boy-"

"No." She scoffs like she's offended I'd assume so. "I passed up a room with a certain blonde in there. Is that why you're here?"

"Yes."

As stupid as it may be to just sit here and never step foot inside her room to actually see her, I find comfort in knowing that she's not that far. Even though I wouldn't be any help if something else happened to her, I'd still be here. Not that it matters if I'm here or not. I feel  responsible for what happened, and that guilt won't let me pick up two feet to leave. So I've just been sitting here all day looking like an idiot.

Melody sighs. It's one of those sympathetic sighs people do before they tell you that you're pathetic in a nice way. "For a minute, just pretend that I'm not me, and take what I'm about to say to you into deep consideration."

"Okay?" I furrow my eyebrows.

"You have to stop." She says in a tone that she's never used with me before. "People like them, the good ones, the 'victims', aren't any good for your self-esteem. They think that because you hurt them that they can talk to you and treat you any kind of way. You did do a horrible thing, but you're still a person. You deserve to feel like a person. Not a monster."

"Thanks. I'm totally not a horrible person, I'm so glad you told me. What would I have ever done without your validation?"

She's the first person that doesn't treat me like I killed someone's mom in front of them. I can't tell if that's because she's malicious as well and doesn't see the issue, or if she's just over me moping around. She's probably the only person who can understand how I feel. She's probably been the 'bad guy' a hundred times before; if I want to take anybody's advice, it would be hers.

"Seriously." She rolls her eyes. "You can be sarcastic all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you're pining after a girl who's mind you're never going to change. No matter what you say or do, she's already gone."

"I know."

"Do you?" She quirks an eyebrow. "I'm just saying, you're too busy trying to get her forgiveness and you haven't even forgiven yourself."

"I don't have anything to forgive myself for."

I didn't do anything to myself. I did it to her, and that's the only thing i have an issue with.

"You don't regret what you did, I know, but you regret that you did it to her. That's what I meant."

I never thought about that. I always wondered how come I cared more about how I made her feel rather than the fact that I killed her mother. That's how I know that I don't really deserve all of her, because killing her mother isn't what bothers me. What kind of person does that?

Who kills someone's mother and feels more bad about their feelings than the actual crime itself? Me, that's who. Me the horrible, selfish person.

"I'm not saying you weren't wrong, I'm just saying that you're being pathetic letting her walk all over you just because you want her to forgive you. You're better then that, and you need to start over like she did." Melody advises me. Somehow, she doesn't sound like her regular self at all.