Ethereal (COMPLETED)

50: Brothers

Heart-broken, devastated, hopeless.

I'm the true epitome of misery.

Months passed and I still can't sleep, can't eat, can't focus.

Can't live.

Our makeup artist told me that it's getting harder for her to conceal the dark bags under my eyes.

Our workout coach said I'm getting thinner and weaker so I always run low on stamina.

Our choreographer was annoyed by me always messing up, because according to him, I'm always spaced out and not paying attention.

The army constantly reminding me to eat and be healthy because they're worried.

I'm tired of them scolding me and telling me what to do.

They think I like to do this? They think I'm doing this just to gain attention and sympathy?

Of course not.

They don't know how bad I wanted to sleep, but I can't...because I always see her every time I closed my eyes.

They don't know that I really wanted to be healthy but I can't eat because I don't really feel hungry. I can't feel anything.

They don't know how hard I tried to follow the dance steps and listen to them but my mind was always drifting somewhere else, thinking about her.

I feel that I'm a burden, especially to the boys. They don't ask me about it but I know.

I know they're tired of dancing all over again because I always messed up the choreography.

I know they're always covering me during interviews because I'm always out of my mind.

I know what they feel, but I never heard them complaining.

I'm a burden to everyone.

The company gave me a week vacation to rest but it's not enough, I want to rest forever.

I walked closer to the edge of the rooftop while the others are busy preparing for our music video shoot.

It's a skyscraper building, and I glanced below just to realized that everyone and everything were so small from my point of view.

Like tiny ants, with meaningless existence in this world.

Is this how she sees me from above?

I moved closer and stared at the bright blue sky. I'm so high above the ground.

But not so high to reach her.

Are you there Sophie? Are you watching me?

I stepped one foot on the barricade.

If I jump, I'll die.

Maybe, if I die I might see an angel.

I know I'm not a good person and I won't definitely have a place on heaven but at least I might see her.

"Hyung! Hyung!" I heard Jungkook cried out loud.

My cap was blown away by the strong wind but I didn't even care to look back.