All I Want

chapter 89

Haizly
ALL I WANT

Turning the last page and reading through it, I was shocked. Hardin is a cruel person who likes to sleep around with girls and doesn't care if he breaks their hearts.

Tessa is a kind girl. She is always organized and has to be on time for everything.

His childhood was more of being afraid of his father whenever he would come home drunk. Every night.

Her childhood was almost the same. Her father and mother would fight, she would hide and her boyfriend would go and save the day.

I compare myself to them. Their fucked up life, them. Hardin is much like me. We're both cruel and don't give a shit about anything or anyone. But yet, I'm also like Tessa. We both have to be organized, on time. My father was a drunk, and abusive. That's one thing their father's never did. They never hit their child because they thought they were being too clingy or loud.

When I was growing up, I still loved my father. Even after his left. Till this day I'm still wondering how. How I even loved him after all he's done. He's brought drama. His stupid little girlfriend and her daughter were the evil people here. I hate them all.

I am like this because of my father. I have so much anger towards him, that I take it out on everyone. My mum has tried to get me to go back to therapy. I've only ever gone once, when I was fourteen. I didn't go back after my third meeting because of how much I had to share. I hate talking about my life story to strangers.

I still think therapy isn't good for me.

I wish I had grown up more like Tessa than Hardin. I make everyone in this world angry. All I did growing up was drink and smoke with Rosie and Maya, but then Austin and Noah came along. With them we would sneak out of our houses and get drunk in the park.

Two years later, Caleb joined us in the group. He was much different. He wanted to rob gas stations. We only wanted to get the high, but we somehow agreed with him. Maya and I were outside watching if anyone goes inside, Caleb, Austin, Noah and Rosie had a lot of stuff.

But now that I think about it, the poor man couldn't stop us. He was afraid. Afraid of us.

We were bad people.

Caleb and I started sleeping around when we were both seventeen. It was always my house or his. We never thought about doing it in a car or in the school's basement. I despise people who do that. That's just disgusting.

Everyone in the family told me I was such a dissapointment. That I shouldn't even be living under my mom's roof after all I've done to her. They were right. All I did was make her feel bad. My mom never knew about what my aunts or cousins would tell me. She didn't need to know. She wouldn't do anything.

She would keep saying that she would isolate herself from them, but the day never came. I hate that. Her family is nothing but a joke. They're all fake. Especially my grandparents, I can't stand to be in the same room as them.

My dad's side of the family was worse. All they did was maddog me and tell me how good of an idea my father had for leaving us. For leaving me. My aunts and grandma were the only people who were truly there for us. They actually showed their love.

Especially my mum. Since my mom had Cara at an early age, my grandma has treated her more like a sister than an ex-daughter in-law. So my mom got the help from her.