Deanna
What was that?
When direk said 'cut', I immediately ran to the restroom.
I can still hear my heart beating so fast.
Why?
Why Deanna?
I never felt this way before! Even Mikaela never brought this feeling to me.
Kinakabahan ako.
But my heart was hurting,
so good.
Haizt!
Mamaya ko na nga iisipin.
Pagbukas ko ng pinto si Jessica yung una kong nakita.
Nilampasan ko lang siya ng tingin. Pero di naman ako nakasimangot.
Di ko na yata kayang sungitan siya ng katulad ng dati.
We continued our sweet moments. Di ko na alam kung role lang ba talaga to or what.
I am having mixed emotions right now.
One moment I imagined as if this is real. That there's only the two of us in this room.
Then I will hear the director's command and that brings me back to reality.
Pero pag nginitian na naman niya ko ayun na naman.
And then it ended.
They told me to get ready because they will shoot my scene in the seashore.
Nakakabaliw pala maging artista. Kanina lang gusto na lumabas ng puso ko sa saya dahil sa sweet moments namin ni Jessica. Tapos ang susunod na scene ay yung namimiss ko siya at nagsisisi ako dahil hiniwalayan ko siya.
They gave me half an hour to internalize.
Ngayon may time na ko para mag-isip.
Why am I feeling this way?
Yung parang di pa ko nainlove?
Yung parang ngayon pa lang?
Nainlove lang ba ko dati sa thought na inlove nga ako?
Is Mikaela a part of an experiment?
An experience?
A tick in my bucket list?
Hindi pa ba yun love?
Was that a fantasy that I envisioned about having a girlfriend?
Masyadong mabilis yung pangyayari sa amin eh.
Wala pa kaming one week may nangyari na sa amin, at naulit yun ng maraming beses.
Did I mistook sexual desire as love?
I admit though that since we did it? It's like a drug that I want to taste over and over again.
And that's also the reason why I failed to see what she really is.
