half/closer | GirlXGirl

35 / closer

I crossed the line.

The reality line. Beyond this phase of your life, you would start to realize things and think about the future ahead of you. Fear would creep into your system. Responsibilities coming and your brain would fizz to a decision between right or wrong. Mostly, your heart speaks about happiness while the mind screams for practicality.

Unfortunately, I was incapable of following my heart and my mind because I was forced into a trap. What I was about to ask to the love of my life wasn't practical and I was also not certain that it would result in happiness. I was somewhat pushed into this version of myself that I'd never known. I looked at myself in the mirror and I no longer see 'the Khloe'.

Because a man shaped this new version of Khloe Summer for his own interest. He took advantage the guilt in my heart whenever I imagine myself defying his rules and demand. I had been saved before and Jet tried to trap me by claiming he owns my life but he never succeeded. I've never let him take away my choices. However, I was saved again from death by Gordon Damien and this time, I let him trapped me because I owed him my life.

So he didn't just take advantage of the situation but he also fooled me by using my love for his daughter. Or maybe it wasn't his intention to turn me to a different person because I knew that he just wanted the best for his daughter but still, I was having a hard time with him.

I tried to be myself but his demand gave me no choice but to choose a decision that I might regret for the rest of my life.

My heart spoke of happiness while my mind also screamed for practicality. It was not practical to propose to Hilary because we were just starting. She was my first real commitment and I truly loved her so much. But we had to take this slow and it was not my option to f*ck this up again.

Staring at the finished canvas in my treehouse, my mind wandered about everything. I could've called my half-sister for help but pride consumed me. Quinn always had to sacrifice everything for me. I didn't want to bother her anymore, especially during this time. Arisa dragged her to travel around the world. They were planning to go to a country after country for a year before pursuing their endeavors.

I sighed deeply because I really missed Quinn so much. However, I had to be strong and end this dilemma.

The polar night— the painting that Hilary completed for my father— was the embodiment of my thoughts and struggles. Although the winter night was trying to cover the sun, it lights never falter bringing majestic colors through the horizon. However, the painting was holding two realms at once, each place shuddered against each other. Our own reality against life's reality.

"Hey, what are you doing up?" Hilary's raspy voice breathed into my neck as she embraced on my side.

I looked at her and gave her a warm smile. The light coming from my lamp shaded her blue eyes darker. "Did I wake you up?"

"It was cold not inside your arms," she said, rubbing her eyes adorably. "Are you sad that you won't be able to visit here anymore so you suggested sleeping here before we head to our new place?"

I chuckled, shaking my head. "No, I'm not sad leaving this treehouse. It will always be here and I can come anytime I want, right?"

Hilary nodded, her eyes gazed into mine. "But Klo, I know there's something in your mind. Care to tell me?"

Breaking the gaze, I looked down at our intertwined hands and gulped in hesitation. Was it the right time to propose to her? Or should I tell her that I wouldn't be able to move with her just her father secretly wanted?