Charlie |Complete|

Chapter 42 - Time

Charlie's POV:

It's been a month since everything went down with Tyler and Luke. You'd think by now I'd be over it but I'm still stuck with this guilt that I just can't seem to shake. There was a reason I was never involved in the Cobras in the first place and that's because I'm not cut out for this, I'm not strong enough and every time I think I am, life shows me I'm not.

Everyone one else has seemed to have moved past it, in fact everyone seemed to be over it in a couple of days. I suppose to them this is normal, but to me, it's just not. As the days go by it does become a little easier, but even with Tyler and Luke gone, they still seem to have some kind of hold over me.

Shay is now five months pregnant and she and Lane are looking at moving into a place of their own. Lane has been saving really hard and they almost have enough for the deposit, mom and dad are going to pay the rest and Lane will pay them back when he can. I'm proud of him, he's trying to do this on his own and not ask for anyone's help.

Shay isn't going back to school and either am I. I'm currently finishing my studies from home and I've applied to a few collages, I highly doubt I'm going to get in, but once I'm in a better mind frame myself I'm hoping to get into something to do with helping others, not physically like a Nurse or Doctor, but mentally.

Tonight I'm staying at Zay's place, Jordan and Jill are also here. Jill and Jordan have been unofficially together since their first date and they're super sweet together, I've never known Jords to stick to just one woman, maybe he's found the one.

"I thought I'd find you out here," Jill speaks as she makes her way over to me.

I take a long draw of my cigarette and blow the smoke out before speaking. "Don't tell Zay." I nod my head towards the cigarette in my hand.

"secret is safe with me." She laughs softly and takes it from me, taking a draw herself. "How are you feeling?"

"I still feel messed up about it." I admit. "I don't want to think about it, but it's all I seem to think about."

"It'll get easier babe." She smiles and takes another drag before handing the smoke back to me.

"Thanks." I take it back. "So, you and Jords official yet?" I tease as I take a drag.

"I don't think Jords does official, does he?" She laughs softly. "I like him, but I don't think he's the type to do a relationship, so we'll just keep going until one of us gets bored." she shrugs.

"If it makes you feel any better, I've never seen him stay this long with anyone, it's been a month, a month is a lot for him."

"Maybe." She says shyly

I smile and take another draw of the cigarette.

"Charlie Evana Raven." I hear a husky, annoyed voice from behind me.

I'm in trouble.

"Have fun with that, I'm going to bed." Jill runs back into the house amused.

I turn to face Zay and smile sweetly up at him. "Yes Zay?"

"Don't you yes Zay me." He marches over and takes the smoke from my hand putting it out. "What is this shit?"

"Uh, it's a cigarette."

"And since when do you smoke?"

I shrug and he frowns and takes my face in his hands. "I understand you're going through some things right now, but this isn't the answer."

"It's just a cigarette Zay, it's not the end of the world, lots of girls smoke."

"Well you're not just any girl, you're my girl and I'm not allowing it." He grins.