I Just Wanted To Feel Something [brittana]

[25] Visit pt.2

Brittany's point of view:

"What do you mean?" I asked not sure that I'd heard properly, my father mumbled something under his breath but repeated himself "you mother and Mia are staying at your aunt Sarah's place for a while, just while we figure things out"
"What things? What needs figured out?" "You need school child. Your mother and I are separating, there's been a big strain on our relationship and we need a break from each other. Not permanently, just for now"

I nodded not wanting to speak and get him even more annoyed with me.
God I wish I could go for a run right now, maybe I could wiggle my way into being allowed. "What do you do in there? Are you eating? You're all bone." My dad lifted my wrist as he said this and wrapped his thumb and forefinger around it and sighed.
"I talk to the therapists, and do the lessons when we have them, I eat twice a day at least sometimes I go to lunch. I talk with my friend type people, take my meds"

Maybe I lied a little bit but he didn't need to know, we talked for a little while longer, misting him complaining about what I did and why I did it. I left put the part of, it given the chance I would do it again. Finally he left and I was able to breathe slightly better but my chest still felt tight.

"Please, you can send Amelia or Suzana or someone out with me, I'll stay in the field just please" Luke looked at me thinking for a moment before sighing and nodding his head "I'll send Jane out with you, she'll be happy to see you run. Outside and not in the halls." "Thank you I'll go get changed and be back in five minutes tops"

I left his office and ran down the hall as soon as I entered the room I took off my shoes, shirt and pants then looked through the wardrobe for some shorts and a tank top.
"After not seeing you all day, I'm not mad about this" I turned around when I heard sangha "definitely not mad" she said walking over to me. I put the shorts on and tank top before she got to me then slipped on my running shoes.

"Hi, I can't talk but" I leaned down and kissed her quickly "I'll see you in a bit"
I ran back down the hall just barely hearing a 'bye' from Santana

Santana's point of view:
"So I saw Brittany" I said sitting next to Tina on the couch "that's good, where's she been all day?" "Well I walked into the room and she was getting changed, she said she couldn't talk and that she had to go again. Then ran down the hall" "weird" Kurt said appearing out of seemingly nowhere. I jumped a little and lightly hit his arm "don't do that Kurt" "well I wanted to scared you and it worked, definitely worth the hit" Tina and him high fived but I just rolled my eyes

"Is it weird that I'm bored? Like I need something to do" I sighed
"You're watching a movie that's something to do"
"Okay but this movie is boring"
"You're just missing Brittany, why don't you go try and find her" Tina suggested
"I mean it's something to do"

I got up and started checking rooms, but couldn't find her. I felt like I had checked everywhere and decided to give up. I went and just got in bed trying to sleep a little bit,
It felt like years before the door opened. "Hey where were you?" Brittany turned on the light and she was all sweaty and her hair was sticking to her neck and face "can't talk right now" she answered slightly out of breath "I gotta shower"
"Great" I huffed "I'll just be a minute" she said before leaving the room again.

I didn't wake up until the next morning, I rolled over but didn't feel Brittany, in fact when I reached  over to her side it was cold. I sat up and looked around the room,
I noticed the other bed, my original one looked slept in.
Why the hell did she sleep in the other bed?

I was having trouble keeping my eyes open but grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around me before slowly walking to breakfast. When I got close enough Brittany was sitting in my usual seat talking to Kurt and Tina.
"That's my spot" I said colder than I expected, I think that was just the last straw.
After not seeing her all day, getting no explanation, her not coming to bed, and sitting where I usually do it's like she was erasing me from her life.

Brittany didn't move though, didn't even acknowledge my presence. Kurt looked up at me silently inviting me to sit next to him, I went over and sat next to him.
That's when I noticed Tina was in Kurt's seat, why the hell did they do a 180 on the seating arrangement. "I was annoyed too" he whispered leaning towards me so I could hear it.

"What are they doing?" "Brittany came down this morning with the same attitude she used too, the moody, sarcastic, sad. Since then they've been whispering to each other but stopped when you came over"
"Can we talk?" I asked Brit but she didn't answer "Brittany go" Tina said finna my and Brittany stood up

"What's going on?" I asked when we got back to our room "well yesterday my dad came to visit, just my dad and when I asked about my mum he said they were separating, not for permanent or anything just 'for now' as he said. I don't know it sort of upset me and I made me think of how it's all my fault"

"Woah Brittany it's not your fault, and I know separated parents suck it happened to mine for a few months but Britt, you need to find some good in this. There's always good to find"

"Find the good in failing all your classes because you have no motivation due to the pressure you put on yourself, toss in expectations from everyone else. Having everyone tell you to 'just do it, it's not hard' and never take the time to try and understand why you might be having difficultly with it. Toss is people constantly asking stuff from you but you don't want to upset them so you say yes and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Find the good in always needing to be the kind one, the mediator, the funny one, the one whose always okay. Find the good in not feeling like trying because it's already expected of you to do poorly. Find the good in hating basically everything about the way you look and not being able to change it. Find the good in being there for everyone no matter what but not being able to have someone there for you. Please find the good in constantly blaming yourself for something you're being told isn't your fault but you know that it is but you can't tell a suicidal person that everything went to shit because of them. Find the good in not wanting to get out of bed in the morning because you know you need to be someone for everyone else. Find the good in loosing passion for everything you once loved.

Please, help me find some good because I'm done trying to find what isn't there."

"Britt..." I tried to hug her but she backed away

"Santana, dont." She said walking out the door, leaving me shivering with a blanket around me, but most importantly alone in the middle of our room.