Part 13: Stupid Feelings

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“Are you okay?” I asked.

“No, but it doesn’t matter,” Harry said. “Rule four, remember?”

I sighed. “But you’re crying.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Harry said. “Now follow our first rule and get off my side of the room.”

“Alright,” I said, standing up and walking back over to my side. “But if there’s anything you really need to talk about, I am willing to bend the rules.”

Harry looked up. “Can the balcony be our safe space?”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“No rules there,” Harry said. “The balcony can be the spot without boundaries. The place where we can talk to each other about anything, and, when we get back inside, everything that we say or do, stays on the balcony.”

“I like that idea,” I said.

“Rule five: the balcony has no rules,” Harry stated. “And, with that being said, I need to go to the balcony and you can follow if you wish.”

Harry stood up, grabbed his coat, and walked out to the balcony. Without giving another thought to what he had said, I followed Harry.

“Can I talk to you about my past now?” Harry asked.

“Yeah,” I said.

“Okay,” Harry sighed. “For starters, my dad never really liked me. It wasn’t until I told him that I wanted to be a pirate like him that he actually became interested in me. But, even after that, he would leave me to do things by myself and when I didn’t get the task right, he would yell at me. My dad wouldn’t help me make the mistake right, instead he would cut me with his hook. He would then laugh as I would cry out in pain. Once he was satisfied with what he had done, my dad would toss me overboard and have me find my own way back onto the ship. That would lead to me crying myself to sleep and wishing I didn’t exist. I wanted to die, Chloe. I hated life and everything to do with living.”

At this point, Harry was fully crying and all I could think to do was wrap my arms around him. Harry accepted the hug and hugged me back as he dug his head into my shoulder and cried harder. My hand found Harry’s back and I gently rubbed it in an attempt to help calm him down. I would have never expected his life to be so rough. And when he met me, I just made it worse by hating Harry instead of being his friend. I continued rubbing Harry’s back until he pulled away and wiped his tears away.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I never realized what you were going through and me hating you made it worse. I-”

“Don’t do that,” Harry said. “Don’t lie to yourself like that.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Chloe, you’re the reason why I’m still here today. You’re the reason I wake up every day. The reason I didn’t take my life. And, I know that you hate me, but since the day I met you, you have made my life worth living. You have made me feel like I am worth so much more, even if you hate me.”

My eyes started to tear up at the thought of being the reason someone loved their life. I started to let the tears roll down my cheeks as Harry stared at me.

“That means so much to me,” I whispered.

“What?” Harry asked.

“I’ve always thought my life was worthless, that I was just someone that people looked at and thought I was like a princess who got whatever she wanted. But hearing you say that I’m the reason you’re here today means so much. It means that I’m not worthless,” I said. “And I don’t mean to switch the situation on me or anything, but you have no idea how much that means to me.”

“Chloe, I would tell you that and so much more,” Harry said. “Because you and I are worth so much more than we could ever imagine.”

At this point, I was crying and it was Harry’s turn to wrap his arms around me. While in his arms, I realized how safe I felt as I cried. He tried to comfort me but the only thing he did was hold me tight. And yet, that small thing meant the world to me as I started to cry harder. After what felt like eternity, I stopped crying like a baby and pulled away from Harry.

“I’m glad you told me that, Harry,” I said. “It must’ve taken a lot.”

Harry placed his hand on my face and wiped the tears off my cheek. “It’s easy when the person who means a lot is standing in front of me.”

I almost started crying again but instead, I closed the gap between us. At first, Harry seemed surprised but then he kissed me back as my hands found his hair. Harry’s hands roamed my back until I pulled away breathless.

“I think that’s enough for today,” I said. “I’m going to go to bed, I’m kind of tired after that.”

“Go ahead, I’m going to stay out here for a little while longer,” Harry said.

I gave him a smile before walking back inside and laying on the couch. I smiled to myself before my smile turned into a frown. I still hate him, right? Yeah, that kiss meant nothing. But the butterflies in my stomach said differently. Sighing, I rolled over on the couch before I let sleep take me.

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