Zero: A BTS AU (On Hold)

Reluctance: Ch 3

However unwittingly, it would seem I have agreed to (b/f/n's) ludicrous and rather spontaneous plans.

Although I have, since my first instance of listing to their heartfelt and soul capturing music, wanted to see the seven, lets speek truthfully and plainly, gorgeously beautiful boys perform life, it is not like I ever thought that I would have such a chance. I'm not prepared, emotionally or financially to actually attend such a crowded and hectic event. Let alone the fact that, although I live in the same city where the concert is going to take place, (b/f/n) already booked and payed for us to stay two nights in the hotel nearest the venue in order to make things easier and quicker for her on the day.

I can't just refuse knowing that. I don't know why I can't. I know plenty of people who would refuse. I must just be that kind of person, what the people refer to as a pushover. And not being able to refuse means staying away from my home, family and familiarity for more time then I would like. Because any time away from these things is more then I'd like.

One of the reasons I never prepared myself for an instance like this was my belief that BTS would never come to my english speaking country (or your countries native tongue, I just put english because I am from an english speaking country), or at least not to anyware within this country that was close enough to my home city for me to attend. It's astonishing really and I have to commend them on their international reach gained by their own hard work and extraordinary effort. But that won't solve my debacle.

You know.... I thought asking my parents would be the solution. I mean they aren't strict but they do worry, and that sometimes limits my movements.

So that night, when (b/f/n) sprung this on me and forced me by some ungodly will of nature to agree, I draged her downstairs stating I needed my parents approval. And when I got there and we pleeded our case, I internally pleaded that they would make the right decision by me and refuse.

The one time I actually want this is the one time they actually let me do as I please and follow (b/f/n's) flow. I died a bit internally as they reasond that they knew how much this group had helped and inspired me, that I was turning 18 in a few months, that I was old enough to venture out into the world and freedom yada yada yada.

After thanking them with my head down in what likely apeard to them as my weird version of excitement and gratitude, but to say the least was far from it, I draged the potato sack of a friend I had back up the stairs and shuffled with the weight of the dead back inside my room.

I flomped weightlessly, without a purpose, onto my sheets in distress as (b/f/n) begain spowting excitement about plans and preperations, and events and songs and basicly being the big fangirl she was. I just lay there melding into the covers, letting time pass until I judge the hour fit to prepare for sleep. 

After we both finish and tuck ourselves under the blankets of my bed, (b/f/n) is quick to fall into slumber, she always has been really. She sleeps like the dead, and due to such abilities always won at sleeping logs, making her the envy of many childrens' eyes. But I myself stayed awake for hours, laying still with my eyes shut tight in attempt to role comfortably into unconscious. Yet I was kept out of such a state by my harsh and beating worries, anxieties, and evidently my excitment for the upcoming event, only months away.