Broken Strings

When logic doesn't feel so right.

Forth's POV.

I can't believe he is FINALLY back. I have to see it with my very own eyes.
And so these past weeks , I have been following Beam secretly. Beam is more beautiful and handsome now as ever. Beam is glowing, maybe I was really a big burden to him before. A burden finally lifted on his shoulder. But who is to blame? I never make it easier for Beam, despite how much I love him. Beam has to undergo harassments for being with him. I cannot even fight for Beam.

Beam has really move on from me. Talking casually to me , as if telling me he is so over me long ago. What can I expect, its been three years. He has finally let me go and even has his own family. Beam does not need me in his life anymore.

While I am still here, same old Forth.

Same old feelings.

Same old love for Beam.

Everyday I hope that someday, when it does not hurt anymore to be together, Beam can find his way back to me.

But who am I joking? I am the weaker one. An asshole for letting Beam experience all those ugly things while being with me.

Maybe this is my line...my boundary. Maybe loving Beam secretly and from a far is the best. Beam would not want another heartache because of me.

Maybe...or maybe this is just another act of cowardice from me.

Life without Beam, turns me into no one. Beam is my identity, my soul and I lost it. Losing him, I cannot even take my guitar and sing. He is my melody , my voice...and my world. It was too late to ask for another chance. He is gone. What I thought was a temporary goodbye becomes endless .I should have known better, I am nothing without Beam. I am stupid, even if I regret it now, nothing will change. All I can do is drown myself to sleep with the help of alcohol and over work.

I totally change my work. I build homes now. I design houses and let a few friends from college do other work for me. I work from my own room, its a small business I build up with my savings. My identity is hidden, I let a few of my trusted friend handle negotiations and I work on the background. I just love designing homes and my business partners are satisfied as long as I came up with the design.

I wonder how Beam was able to have a daughter. I was shocked at first , I wonder if he loved the mother of the child. I am jealous and hurt, but when I saw how happy Beam is carrying the child in his arm I can only smile. Fatherhood suits Beam, he is obviously happy with his life now with his baby. I am not sure if I want to know the story behind the baby. I have every means but...as always I have no guts to face it heads on. I am really shameful of the person I have become.

A loud knock made Forth out of his reverie. It was from his old friend and now business partner Max.

"Am I disturbing you?" Max

"No, I'm done with the design you asked of me." Forth

"Boss, I never doubt on that. I am here for other reason." Max

"Stop calling me boss Max, I don't think I fit that persona anymore. And if its about convincing me to show myself on public, then I am afraid to disappoint you Max. " Forth

"Boss you are my Boss, in business or not, period. And Boss, I am not asking that you show yourself again in public if you still not want to, but can we at least tell Park and Lam? Especially Lam, I feel guilty hiding something from him Boss. He is the closes to you." Max