Broken Strings

Still the Best Part of Me

" Bee... say something. Here..."   Forth

Forth  took a pillow and hand it to Beam.

" If you're mad with my request  you can punch me directly or you can use  your pillow to smash me for as long as you want. Just don't bottle it up by being too calm. I've warn you already, you  would probably hate what  my words will be." Forth

Forth maybe half joking but honestly he don't mind. Beam is most scary when he is this silent.

" Are you taking this as a Joke Jaturapoom?" Beam

Forth felt doomed, the ' Jaturapoom is back once again ' but this time, Beam way of saying it is like 180 degree different from the previous one he has heard tonight from his Beam.

" Bee... listen..."      Forth takes both Beam's palm and hold it close to his heart.

"I am not.  More than anything or anyone you are at the top of my everything now.  This is not a joke for me believe me please...but this is my resolution Bee. I want everyone to know about this, whether they like it or not, I just want US out in the Open. I am done hiding you from the world Beam.  Before... I am Too afraid that prejudices against same sex relationship will hurt you. I was wrong . It's Not even effective in shielding you from hurt, isn't it? I still end up hurting  you big time with it. Fans? I loved them, but I want to believe that those who really love me as an artist and to the kind of music I create will stay. Fame?  I don't need it Bee... I become an artist because I want to perform and do the kind of music that I love... besides I have you as my fan before and it always makes me happy that you enjoyed to see me perform. And so even if I lose it... then I'll  perform  and prepare a stage just for you. Besides I can still do a lot of things with my love for music.

I know you always worries about me Beam, you have been putting me first in everything before so this time  I want to show you that you are my top priority  too. " Forth lovingly states his stand to Beam.

Beam is feeling it. All the frustrations he has to go through before being kept to the world. Of course it has its privileges at first but in the long run  he has been hurt deeply for being a kept boyfriend.

He remembers the time that he cannot even butt in to the report when the media speculates that Forth   is in a relationship  with a girl.  It's 100 false and yet he cannot do with it.  He wants to claim Forth too... to tell the world that this amazing man is his boyfriend, not to boast but just to show the world how proud he is of this man. And  yet three years ago...  Beam felt that he has caused the major set back in Forth's career and worst the caused of anxiety of Forth's parents.

Beam knows All the pros and cons to Forth's suggestion. He is not against it... it's just  he still figuring out how to lessen negative impact of both their lives. Is he even prepared? Or will he even be prepared for it? Or how will he prepare for it? Still... He figured more than anything...he needs  Forth. 

Both of them needed to be with each other  to get through this.  Beam has no choice, because among other realization he has these past few years, he figured his happiness will always be Forth.  He can love a few more capable man or woman than Forth, but Forth would always be his beautiful curse.

Forth is both his damnation and completion.  A needed part of his life, someone he cannot live without...the only love he craves for...and to top it up... he loves the person that he is when he is with Forth. Definitely... Forth is  the best thing in his life.

And so Beam hugs Forth, trembling because he is damn scared.
But now  he can freely express how scary it is to him, he doesn't have to pretend that he is okay .