Broken Strings

If It's Not You

A/N: Uggghh I am getting nothing😔
Can't think of a good plot😔 But I have not update my stories for a month already😔 So I Decided to not make my story too dramatic or complicated  this time😶

Forth POV

Even before I broke up with Beam 3 years ago, I'll always knew that I'll regret that decision. I tried to fix my problem with my family but things just keep on piling up. I've got lot on my shoulder that I knew I failed to deliver what is due for Beam.  Beam only deserves undivided love and attention  and it was my guilt that push me with my foolish decision to agree to the break  up.

I failed miserably. I failed to protect Beam and at worst I might have made him feel like my life's mistake. I know it was Beam's idea at first to let my fans assume that he is only just a friend, but as years goes by I become a jerk by not presenting Beam as a lover. It is not me not being proud of Beam, it is me trying to minimize any threat  and bullying for Beam. I want Beam to have a normal life as much as he can and for as long as I can. I don't want him to be on constant  spotlight for being my lover. I have partnered with others in my both  music and acting , and  I am afraid this imaginary loveteam will result to bullying Beam. I have worked long enough in the industry to know that everything is a big deal once  caught the attention of the public. Facts can easily be manipulated based on someone else advantage. Its no use to explain, people will only believe  on what they want to believe, at worst this twisted truth comes from a only a fragment of the whole story. 
I thought I am protecting Beam with what I am doing, but Lam was right. Somehow I made Beam feel like a kept mistress.  I have no more excuse, from one mistake to another, I felt like it is impossible to undo my actions. And when I plan to make up with all my actions, the problem with my family splashes to me like a big wave; I drowned.

Losing my career is okay with me, but losing a family is a different story. I  introduced Beam to my family thinking they accepted my relationship with Beam, but then again reality has ways drowning your self-conceived beliefs. I was foolish for not reading the signs. I am foolish to think that my family will be okay with it just because they have never once questioned or go against with my decisions. My parents has only showered me with love and understanding since I was little and so I assumed that it will always stay that way . My parents are so perfect in my memory that the thought of them mistreating Beam is the farthest of my mind.

I wonder what more did I failed to see.

And when I did some reality check , I discovered my biggest mistake.

It is my biggest mistake to not see how Beam is suffering all these time. How I failed to noticed the lies and sadness with his constant smiles.

Beam still showed his Best to me.

Beam still showed his unending
support.

Beam still encourages me with my doubts.

Beam still tells me that everything will soon be okay if I ended up troubled.

Beam still...never failed to give me his warmest smiles.

I wonder how much he has suffered hiding his own heartache just so I would not have any worries other than my endless work schedules. I can only imagine how hurt he must be  in masking his own pain to prioritize me.
Beam must have felt suffocated . And at worst Beam must have questioned   his worth in my life.

And when I thought things are already at it's worst possible scenario, I was hit hard with the fact that my Dad's health is deteriorating and my relationship with Beam  is the one that stresses my Dad the most.

Just like a playing deck card, I am being played. I  am almost certain that this whole drama is just scripted and is a only a big prank , yet the characters perfectly played their share that I have learned to accept that  these crazy things happening to be are indeed my reality.