Reason To Be (A Zouis Family AU)

Part One, Chapter One

Merrywell Children's Home does not fit the image that the name paints. The building is old, almost crooked in the way that the slant of the roof is slightly off kilter depending on which angle it's viewed from.

Zayn feels almost paralysed in the drivers seat of his car, his husband sitting beside him. It's silent, the type that isn't even disturbed by a breath. He's holding his, and he knows that Louis must be too. Both just staring ahead at that crooked building with all the windows, surrounded by trees. The spring blue sky overhead can't even make the place look cheerful, and it makes his heart ache to know that there are dozens of children inside of that place that wake up everyday knowing that they don't have a family.

He and Louis are there to change that for one kid; and it isn't much but it makes him feel a lot better.

Doesn't do anything for the nerves, though. He's pretty sure he hasn't slept for longer than a couple hours since they had first discussed bringing a new child into their family almost three months ago. Because he loves kids and he wants a ton of them, but upon meeting and marrying Louis five years ago and having to become an instant father to a then four year old Liam, he had quickly come to realise that it isn't as easy as the movies and sitcoms make it appear.

Of course, he adores Liam like his own. He'd die for him, hell, he'd kill for him if it came to it. And Liam loves him too,that much is obvious by the way he shouts "Papa" and runs towards him every time he comes to pick him up from school. Year five now, he can hardly believe it. The kid is great, intelligent and kind and loving.

Yeah, he loves him.
Which is why adopting a child has nothing to do with wanting someone who's as much his as Louis', as much as it sometimes plagues him that Louis and Liam are biologically connected and he isn't. Quite the opposite in fact, the idea of bringing another child home with them arose because of Liam.

The kid has an anxiety disorder. Most of it stems from his mother's death and his grief going unprocessed since he had been so young. At least, that's what his therapist says. He struggles a lot with making friends and is generally a lonely child. He has anxiety attacks and low moods, and spends a lot of time alone which they both know doesn't help.

And with him being a professor at the art college and Louis being a teacher at Liam's primary school, they lead pretty busy lives. A lot of marking when they're at home, phone calls, that sort of thing. And of course, they make time for Liam. They spend every spare second that they have with him, but there's still a lot of time where he's by himself.

And the idea isn't to get another kid just for Liam's entertainment, not even close. It's like he said, he wants a ton of kids, and that hasn't changed simply because he knows how hard parenthood can be. He's been thinking about it for a long time but it wasn't until Louis mentioned it in passing one night that the thought blossomed into a want, a longing, for another kid.

He can see it now, some little girl or boy looking up at him with all the trust in the world in their eyes, reaching them to do all the things his own parents has never bothered to teach him. He can picture Liam looking out for them and playing big brother, and the thought makes his heart feel ready to explode.

Louis' wife had died of cancer when Liam was three. It had been hard on both of them, and when Louis started coming into the cafe that Zayn had worked at at the time, the two of them had gotten to talking and things had gone from there. He'd loved Liam the moment he laid eyes on him, and it was only a year and a half later that Louis and he were married.

That had been one milestone. Five years later, and this is another.

He finally lets out the breath he had been holding and turns to face his husband, reaching across to squeeze his hand. "You ready?" He asks, and the older man nodded with a smile.