Reason To Be (A Zouis Family AU)

Part One, Chapter Six

Liam can't help but overthink the events of the previous night. His Dad had basically yelled at him because he was more interested in taking care of Harry, and it had really hurt his feelings.

Obviously he feels bad that Harry has nightmares, but he still can't help but think that his parents love the two new boys better than him.

It makes him feel sad and he can't do much of anything when he's sad. He doesn't even talk at breakfast, but Dad's too busy trying to teach Harry how to do up his buttons to even notice, and Papa's playing with Niall like always.

It makes him miss his Mum. He doesn't remember much about her, but he thinks that if she was there, he might have someone to notice that he's sad.

Dad's usually good at it, but not since Harry and Niall came. And he likes his little brothers, but there's a part of him that feels angry with them and he isn't really sure why.

So he goes to school in a bad mood, and even Mikey can't cheer him up when they're on the playground at break.

"I've got three sisters, Li, and they get all my Mom's attention," he says, but it doesn't make Liam feel any better because at least Mikey has his Mum.

He says that, and Mikey gets a bit huffy.

"I'm trying to be nice. Why're you being mean to me?" He asks, looking a little hurt.

Liam swallows down the anxiety in his gut that comes with the fear of losing his best (and only) friend, and goes for stubborn instead. He folds his arms over his chest and pouts.

"I'm not being mean. You just don't understand," he bites back, and Mikey just stares at him for a moment before he goes off to play with a different group of kids.

Liam watches him go with a lump in his throat that he can't seem to shift. He doesn't have the same confidence as his best friend, and so he doesn't join any of his other classmates and walks around the playground by himself instead.

Then someone runs into him from behind, sending him crashing into the grass, thankfully not with enough force to cause injury.

He sits up, and the boy who had knocked him over looks annoyed. He's tall, and in the year above, and that instantly makes Liam a little afraid of him.

"Watch where you're going, stupid," he spits cruelly, before he runs off in the opposite direction.

He can't help the tears that fill his eyes at the mean comment, sniffling and trying to catch his breath because he can always tell when an anxiety attack is coming. He fights through it alone and then decides to go and see his Dad in his classroom before his next lesson starts, just for some comfort because his palms are grazed and he can't help but replay the mean boy's words in his head over and over again.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, his mind chants at him.

When he gets to his Dad's classroom in the year four block, he peers in through the window to make sure he's in there.

He doesn't knock in the end, because Harry is talking to him already, probably about his nightmare last night.

So he leaves and turns his anger against the year six boy into anger against Harry instead, because the boy is stealing his Dad and Niall is stealing his Papa, and it's just unfair.

He spends the rest of the day alone, and shrugs off his Dad's questions about his day on the drive home because he obviously cares more about Harry's day anyway. And it pretty much proves his point when his younger brother starts talking about his music lesson and how he really wants to learn how to play a guitar just like the man in the music video they watched.

Liam just pouts and stares out of the window instead.
He isn't feeling sorry for himself. Not at all.

Dad starts playing a game with Niall almost as soon as they get into the house, taking over from Papa because the man is covered in paint from a spillage at work and has to take a shower.

He watches with envy as the man crawls around on the floor with the youngest of them, catching the boy and tickling him in a way that makes him squeal.

In the end, he slinks off to his room because he's really upset now - about last night, and the boy on the playground, and how he hadn't even been able to talk to his Dad after because Harry was there.

He sits on his bed with his arms folded and a frown on his face, waiting for someone to come and check on him so they know he's sad, but nobody does.

Not for a while at least, and when his door does open, it isn't either of his parents. It's Harry instead, the other boy still in his uniform, smiling at him.

"Daddy said he's makin' pizza for dinner. He said there's cheese or...um...pep'roni," he tells him, and Liam frowns across the room at the five year old, not caring about being mean because he's sad and mad, and he wants to make sure everyone knows it.

"Go away," he huffs, not sounding half as unkind as he intends too.

Harry stares at him for a moment before he shifts from one foot to the other. "Are you okay?" He asks quietly, and the question makes Liam feel bad for taking his anger out on him, but he fights against it.

"I'm fine. You should go back to stealing my Dad," he says, glaring at the boy instead.

Harry looks upset for a moment before he frowns instead. "You're not bein' nice," he tells him, before he turns and leaves the room without closing the door behind him, which only makes him even more annoyed.

He makes a point of huffing and storming across the room to slam his door closed fully, then goes back to his bed and throws himself down on it.

Stupid and mean.
He can't breathe right and he's sad and mad and stupid and mean, and nobody even cares.

That only makes the growing lump of anxiety in his chest swell even more, and he sits up on his bed, trying to focus on his breathing the way that Gabbie taught him. Slow and easy.

It isn't very easy at all when his Papa nor his Dad are there to help him.

So he struggles through it, gripping at his covers and trying to take steady breaths that wheeze loudly on the way in. It does get a little easier after a while, but it takes all his mad out of him so that he's only left with sad.

Sad, sad, sad.

And he wants his parents to cuddle him and make it okay, but they're too busy with Harry and Niall, and he really does love them both...he just misses his parents.

So he's conflicted and sad, and that's a lot for a nine year old to be so he decides to just go to sleep before he's even had dinner because it feels like the only thing that'll make him feel a little better at that moment.

He drifts off restlessly, ending the day in an even worse mood than he had started it in.