Reason To Be (A Zouis Family AU)

Part One, Chapter Three

The first two weeks of that probation period fly by, and suddenly it's the final evening of the summer holidays before Liam and Harry are due to go to school.

And Harry being five, it's his first ever day of school. They bought his uniform almost as soon as he and Niall had moved in, and the idea of the curly haired five year old wearing the white shirt and blue tie along with the navy jumper is something that Zayn can't wait to see. It'll be an adorable sight if he's ever seen one.

Of course, the evening before is when the nerves begin to run really high, not just for the kids. Zayn can't help but worry about not being there to protect his kids; he knows already that Liam always struggles with his anxiety for the first few days before he settles into the routine again and starts seeing his school counsellor, and with Harry being quite a shy kid, he worries that he won't settle in easily either.

He sits and watches that afternoon when Liam decides to set up a pretend classroom in the corner of the living room, playing schools with his younger brothers. Harry sits with his legs crossed on the carpet obediently whilst Niall wiggles around impatiently.

"Okay, now I have to do the register," Liam says, calling out pretend names until he yells out 'Harry'.

Harry jumps and looks up at his with wide eyes. "Yes?"

Liam laughs at that. "No! You have to say 'here'."

"Oh. Here," the five year old answers, and Liam looks pleased before turning to Niall.

When he calls out his name, the toddler stops shuffling around on his butt and looks up with the biggest, most adorable smile Zayn is sure he's ever seen. "Hi Leeyum!" He yells happily, and Liam doesn't even bother correcting him, just smiles back and decides to give the youngest boy a hug before continuing.

Zayn watches their game until it fazzles out, with Niall leaving first to play his own imaginary game that involves jumping on the armchair like a trampoline and the other two continuing to play until Louis calls everyone through for dinner.

He tries to hush his worries when the boys go to bed, because Harry is bouncy and excited, even asking to go to bed early so that tomorrow will come quicker - and that's a relief. Even Niall goes to sleep early after a day of running wild, which makes for an early night for the men.

Of course, things are never so simple. It isn't until he's passing Liam's room on his way to his and Louis', bedroom that he hears the harsh pants of breath and knows instantly what's going on.

He opens the door to the sight of the nine year old sitting up in bed with tear stained cheeks and shoulders that rise and fall shudderingly. He winces at the scene that is far too familiar, switching on the lamp on the bedside table but not the main light for fear of sending the kid into a sensory overload of sorts, before he perches on the edge of the mattress in front of him.

Liam's brown eyes are wide and glassy with unshed tears, hands gripping onto his quilt almost desperately as he tries to suck in an even breath.

Thankfully (and regretfully) Zayn knows how to handle the panic attacks by now, reaching out to rest a single palm against the boy's chest. "Alright, buddy. You're okay, just breathe with me," he soothes, but the boy just shakes his head, sending a dozen more tears rolling down his cheeks and splashing onto his sheets.

Slowly and cautiously, Zayn reaches for one of Liam's hands, gently untangling the child's clammy palm from the blankets and lifting it to rest on his own chest, atop of his t-shirt.

He sucks in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before releasing it, smiling when he sees the kid using all of his energy to try and repeat the action himself, though he falls short and lets out another small sob. It breaks Zayn's heart, always does, no matter how many times he has to see it.