Reason To Be (A Zouis Family AU)

Part Three, Chapter Ten

The promise proves to be hard to stick to.

Niall is no stranger to the fact that a single day without a little something makes him feel terrible, but this is worse. He wakes up the following day with breathtaking pains jolting through his stomach and chest, heart racing and skin pouring with sweat. The doctor calls it withdrawal and claims that it'll pass.

He hates himself for even thinking about breaking the promise; but all his mind is screaming for is more. Something to make the pain stop, something to cool him down and put an end to the constant rolling of his stomach.

He tries to sleep instead, and it works for a while until he inevitably wakes up again.

"Make it stop," he begs when it finally gets too much to handle. He doesn't dare ask for the drugs aloud, but he knows the words don't need to be spoken to be heard.

Dad looks torn up and that only makes him feel worse - because he's the cause of all of this, of the fact that the man doesn't look like he's slept in days.

The man scoops his hand up off of the mattress, prying his fingers away from their place twisted in the sheets. His hands are cool and dry against his clammy palms and Niall tries to focus on that instead. He hears the small whimper that tears itself from his throat at the next jolt of pain but he doesn't quite register that it's coming from him.

"I wish I could, baby. I really do. I'm so sorry," he says gently, lifting one hand to push his hair away from his forehead where it has been flattened by sweat.

He can feel the tears collecting in his eyes when he shakes his head. "No, s'my fault. M'sorry," he lets out, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to swallow down the lump in his throat as his stomach twists again.

Dad doesn't hesitate before hushing him. His thumb brushes over his forehead softly. "Hey. What did we say about all the apologies, hm? None of that matters now, what matters is getting you better again. Okay?"

Niall sniffles but nods against the pillows, blinking his bleary eyes open to look up at the man. He doesn't understand why the men have been so quick to forgive him.

There are so many things that he's done wrong recently.
He stole from Liam and lied to Harry, he told them that they weren't his real parents. He overdosed and made them deal with the consequences.

He can't help but feel that he deserves the pain he's currently in.

"Whatever you're thinking is wrong, sweetheart," Dad murmurs, the bed dipping slightly as he sits down on the edge of the mattress. Niall glances up in surprise at that and the man chuckles, one hand still against his forehead gently. "I can always tell when that head of yours is whirring. I mean, moreso than usual," he adds a little sadly.

He chews his lip, leaning into his fathers hand as he moves it down to his cheek.

"Why don't you try and get some more rest, hm? I knows it's hard right now but it'll pass. It will," he says quietly.

Niall tries to do as he's told, allowing his eyelids to flutter shut and trying to even out his breathing. It takes a while before he feels even close to sleep, because his head really is whirring and theres nothing he's ever been able to do to stop it.

The next time he blinks his eyes open, Liam is there. His big brother looks down at him with a smile and Niall promptly bursts into tears.

Liam worries instantly, hands flying up to hover over the call button. "What is it? Do you need me to get help?" He asks quickly, and Niall pushes himself up on shaking arms, shaking his head.