Reason To Be (A Zouis Family AU)

Part One, Chapter Seven

The same boy makes a habit of running into him on the playground over the following weeks and Liam doesn't really know why.

All he knows is that it upsets him, especially when he continues to call him 'stupid' every time he shoves into him. All of the older boy's friends laugh and that hurts even more than the grazes on his knees and palms at the end of each school day.

Mikey tries to defend him once or twice, but it doesn't really work and the others start being cruel to him as well. Still, he supposed he should be grateful that the other boy still wants to be his best friend after their little fall out; especially since he's the only one who knows about what goes on in the playground.

His Dad doesn't do playground duty, and so he's never there to see him being pushed over. Besides, he's still mad at his parents for loving Harry and Niall more than him, so he doesn't bother telling them anyway.

Speaking of Harry, he isn't sure if the younger boy has noticed what's been going on since they have break at the same time. If he does, he never mentions it. Probably because whenever he tries to talk to Liam, the boy can't help but direct his anger at him all over again.

That weekend, for example, when their parents are in the kitchen sorting lunch. Niall is jumping from couch to couch energetically as always, Harry is playing with cars on the coffee table, and Liam is sprawled out on the floor watching TV.

Harry eventually looks over at him with an uncertain smile. "You can play cars with me if you wanna?" He offers, holding out his favourite truck.

Liam just glares at him. "I don't want to play with you," he mutters, and he doesn't even know why he says it so viciously because he actually does want to play. He just feels so angry and irate that everything that everyone does annoys him.

Harry looks upset and ends up leaving his cars to go and sit on the one area of couch that Niall isn't jumping on.

On another occasion, Harry walks in on him when he's brushing his teeth and without a seconds thought, he spins around to face him and pushes him out of the room. "You're meant to knock, you dumb idiot," he spits, recycling the words that the kid on the playground had called him that day.

And that time he really does it, because Harry starts crying. He can see it coming, his parents running up the stairs and Harry spilling about how mean Liam's been towards him for the past few weeks now, then the lectures and his Dad telling him he doesn't love him anymore. Maybe they'll even send him off to a place like the one that they got Harry and Niall from.

But Harry just runs to his bedroom and shuts the door, and their parents never find out.

That doesn't stop the panic attack that comes after when he's alone in the bathroom again; the tightening of his chest, the unsteady breaths, the choked back sobs.

That night he stays downstairs with his parents to watch the TV for a little while after Harry and Niall have gone to bed. He isn't usually allowed, but Papa says he can have an extra hour since he's the oldest now.

And so he folds himself up to fit in the far corner of the couch, tired eyes following the cartoon characters on the screen lazily with his Dad and Papa watching him from the other end of the sofa.

"You okay, Bear?" Dad asks him eventually; and at first he thinks that finally, finally, they've noticed. That now he can spill everything out about the nasty boy at school, about his fear of being forgotten or replaced or whatever else it is that his brain has been trying to convince him of since Harry and Niall have moved in.

But then he thinks that if he starts talking, he'll end up admitting that he's been picking on Harry, and then he'll be in trouble and everything will be worse.

So instead, he turns to the man with a defensive frown. "I'm fine!" He snaps, though his voice is too tired to hold much power behind it, because tomorrow is school and school means being pushed around a laughed at by a bunch of kids who are older than him whilst his best friend helplessly watches. School means going to see his Dad only to find that the man is too preoccupied with Harry to even notice what's going on with him and that hurts.

Both men look a little taken aback by the statement, but his Dad doesn't stop pushing. "Are you sure? You've not been yourself lately. Maybe I should move your appointment with Gabbie a little closer or -"

He huffs at that, because of course his Dad would make him go talk to Gabbie instead of making him talk to his own parents. He pouts a little. "I'm not going to go see stupid Gabbie!" He argues, though it escapes as more of a whine than anything else.

Papa frowns a little then, leaning forwards as if to rest a hand on his shoulder. He pulls back from it, wanting to prove a point. It still stings when the man gives up on the contact instantly.

"Did Gabbie do something wrong in your last session?" He asks.

And Liam wants to scream in annoyance then because grown ups are so stupid; why can't they just work it out for themselves that this isn't about Gabbie or - or...

He falters when he realises that even he doesn't know what it's really about. All the anger and frustration and tears. Sure, there are mean kids at school and a lot of change at home. But the way he's acting towards his parents is new - he usually goes running to them the moment he has a problem and now that he's started pushing them away, he can't quite seem to stop.

He just wants them to reach out to him. To not give up so easily.

So he shakes his head and looks down at his lap. "No. I'm gonna go to bed now," he mutters, slipping down from the couch and preparing to walk away, waiting for the men to stop him and demand that he tell them everything that's messing up his head.

But they don't. They just call out quiet goodbyes and let him go.

He cries himself to sleep that night and nobody even notices.