Reason To Be (A Zouis Family AU)

Part Three, Chapter Three

His head is pounding when he gets home the next day, but he feels good otherwise. Last night had been good.

Well, after the whole 'vomit that's basically just pure vodka projecting from his mouth and nose', it had been good. Things had slowed down, and he'd gotten to talking with a bunch of Ethan's friends. He likes them.
He likes smoking too. Weed, that is.

So after a shower, and a brief conversation with his Dad in the hall which had somehow turned into a lecture, he finds himself sitting on his bed in some fresh pyjamas with his phone in his hand. He pulls up Ethan's contact and his brain is busy all over again.

He just wants it to feel how it had last night all the time.

Niall
hey, where can i get some more of what we smoked last night??

His heart is racing in his chest and he just knows that paranoia is going to make him delete the entire conversation once he's done so that his parents don't somehow read it. And he isn't sure where the fear is coming from - it's just weed. It isn't even harmful, right? And it had cleared his head.

For the first time in as long as he can remember, he had actually been able to think about one thing for more than a minute.

Bliss. That's the only word he can think to describe it as.
And surely his parents can't hate him for wanting to be calm.

After all, he's annoying. Even Harry thinks it.
Maybe they'll all agree that smoking weed will make him less so.

Except he knows for certain that Dad and Papa will make a huge deal out of it. He'll never hear the end of the lectures and so the solution is simple in his mind; he just won't tell them.

He's found that he's good at hiding things.
Usually it isn't even intentional, but it's a natural talent nonetheless. When he lies awake until the early hours because his head is too busy to sleep, he passes off his exhaustion with a shrug that goes unquestioned the following day. When he feels really shitty for no exact reason and his head goes to places he doesn't enjoy one bit, he finds it so easy just to laugh and ramble until he's sure nobody will ever know what the inside of his head is really like.

It's both a blessing and a curse, but if he can use it to his advantage then he surely will.

He turns back to his phone as it buzzes in his hand.

Ethan
i don't deal man. message jace.

take it you had a good time?

told you it helps ;)

Niall smiles at that, because yeah. It helps for sure and he wants it to help again. He wants it to help permanently because he drives himself mad with the constant fidgeting and talking and running around because he can't sit still, so it's really no wonder that everyone else is getting fed up with him too.

Niall
yeah it was good.

I'll message jace.

Jace takes much longer to reply to his messages and Niall isn't sure why his stomach is twisting with the constant worry that he won't get a reply at all, or that the older guy will turn him down.

He practically falls off of his bed when his phone chimes this time, scrambling to pick it up.

Jace
cost you a tenner.

school tomorrow before p1

He grins at that, then winces. He only has a fiver stashed somewhere from leftover Christmas money.