Chapter 12

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You couldn't sleep that night. You knew exactly why you couldn't get any sleep, but you had given up on trying to shrug the thought off after your fifth attempt at getting sleep. After blankly staring at the plain white ceiling above you, you checked the clock on your wall. The hands pointed at 4:32, so you decided to grab a glass of water to try and help your situation.

You slipped on your fluffy, bunny-inspired slippers and slowly stood up from your bed. You made your way out of your room and down the stairs slowly, not wanting to wake the rest who were having their peaceful naps.

As you reached the end of the staircase, you noticed someone else who was on the couch, facing back and using his laptop with a pair of headphones plugged in.

Right, he doesn't get any sleep.

Who else had insomnia like you? It was none other than the eldest, Chris. As his back was turned to you, he hadn't noticed your presence. Going straight to the kitchen, you prepared two glasses and poured just the right amount of warm water for each.

You quietly treaded your way over to the couch, placing down one of the glasses on the coffee table for Chris to drink. As he'd finally seen you, he muttered a quick thank you as he placed his things down.

"Why aren't you asleep, Minju?" He asked, but you ignored his question.

"Chan," you called to him, taking only tiny sips out of your glass. You looked at him and quickly noticed the change of expression on his face.

"You're calling me by my Korean name. Anything wrong?" Chris knew that whenever you didn't call him by his preferred name that something was bothering you. At times where you didn't call him 'Chris', he wouldn't correct you since he knew something wasn't right. Instead, he'd keep his ears open and his thoughts cleared for you and try to understand your situation.

"I'm so worn out right now," you speak out, looking to see any reaction from him.

"Well, tell me. I'll help you figure it out," he insists in which you comply. Before continuing, you scooted over to sit beside him, wrapping your arms around his veiny one as your head rested on his broad shoulders.

Chris was a really good listener, and that's why you told pretty much all your exasperating problems to him.

You release a heavy sigh, "You've liked someone before, right?"

You knew the answer, definitely. You were just a little lost in a headspace, so you opted for obvious questions.

Startled by your question, he looks down at you, but slowly nods his head not long after, "O-Of course. Everyone has."

"Why? You like someone now?" He continues as you cross your legs over one another and grabbed his hand, starting to play with his fingers and tracing down the veins that popped up on his arm.

Not for the first time, you heave a sigh, "Yeah...but it's complicated."

"I want to tell you who it is, but I also don't want you to think any less of me or anything like that," you add, all of a sudden feeling so weak and helpless.

You were choosing between telling him or not. You thought since Chris was the eldest and your longest friend, it was only right to tell him. Keeping secrets from him felt wrong to you, but you were afraid he was going to judge you although you knew he wasn't like that in any way.

"Think less of you? Do you hear yourself, Minju?" He laughs at your statement. "Never in my whole life have I ever thought even a tiny bit less of you. I actually really appreciate it when you tell me things like these."

You looked up to him and he was already staring at you. As you were a bit of an emotional wreck, you started feeling a little teary, so you immediately turned your head away from him.

"Tell me. I don't want you keeping something that bothers you all to yourself. That's what I'm here for," Chris softly speaks as he pats your head in a slow and gentle manner.

"It's Seungmin," you mumble, but Chris had heard it. As you received nothing but silence from him, you continue yourself.

"Ever since that day when the two ladies came, I just can't seem to act how I usually do around him."

"Every time he comes near, my heart beats a thousand times faster, it's unhealthy," you try to calm yourself with an unfunny joke, but you were still trying your best to hold back those tears threatening to fall.

"It's just so frustrating because I see him everyday, and I don't want to ruin our friendship because of this stupid, immature feeling," you continue when your voice cracks mid-sentence, and you use the sleeve of your sleepwear to wipe the first few fallen tears.

It was getting harder for you to talk as the seconds passed, and you hated the feeling of helplessness. You always deemed yourself to be the strong girl your parents and your grandmother had raised you to be, and you always loathed crying over small things. Over the years, you forced yourself to learn how to suck up unnecessary tears. Crying was never your thing, but today was an exception.

Chris was silent for the whole time you were explaining and letting your thoughts and emotions out. He knew how stressful it must have been since you were already crying which he had only seen you do about once or twice from what he can recall from his memory.

You continued your light sobbing. Your sleeve was now completely drenched in your tears, and you were still turned away from Chris. You didn't want him to see you in your sad state, but he turned you around to give you one of his famous warm hugs that you loved so much. He wrapped one of his arms around your shoulders, the other around the center of your torso as he let you bury your face into his chest, hushing you down as the others were still asleep.

"It's okay, it's okay," he repeatedly comforts you. "Having feelings for someone is not something you should be ashamed of." He continues, laying a soft kiss at the top of your head.

True. You could say you were pretty ashamed. It's like he took the word right out of your mouth when you couldn't do it. You were certain you felt that uncomfortable feeling attacking your chest whenever you though about your petty feelings for Seungmin. Something in you was always screaming at you that it just wasn't right and that you should stop. Thus, you felt embarrassed and ashamed that you had grown such feelings towards someone you weren't supposed to.

"I just don't want to ruin anything between the two of us," you speak through your cries. "If he finds out, he'll probably never tal-"

"That's nonsense, Minju. You know he's nothing like that. He could never resist not talking to you. He loves you way too much to just suddenly forget about you," Chris cuts you off, not wanting to hear you speaking of untrue matters.

"I just keep thinking of the consequences even if I don't want to," you exhale a long breath you didn't know you were holding in.

"How about this," Chris starts as he pushes you back, looking you dead in the eyes. "Let's go down to that Asian market nearby. I heard it's open 24 hours."

You settled on the idea as you imagined taking a walk would be best for you right now. You both wore a comfy pair of shoes before leaving the penthouse, no one knowing of your disappearance.


yeah it would've been pretty inappropriate to end this chap like how i end my chaps normally
but can i just say that i read an article recently that states that scientists have proven it to be true that chan is a literal angel





and that's on big feet.

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