Her Nanny's Son - A Shivika fanfiction - Complete

~23~

They were still in the car in front of the cemetery. She wasn't ready and wouldn't budge despite him asking her to get out of the car.

"Sometimes mom and I would go on long drives after her work. She would drive to the seashore and we would be eating ice cream, listening to Elvis Presley among every other singer playing in the car while we would be sitting on the hood. My favorite song was Can't Help Falling in Love With You. I never listened to it after her death... couldn't bring my heart to do it. It just didn't feel the same anymore."

"You need to be free for this grief. I know it's hard but you have to. Your mom wouldn't be happy if you are destroying yourself because you are in pain. I'm so sorry that you lost your mother Annika but she's gone, she wouldn't want you to live in pain for that, she wouldn't want you to put your life on standby. You have so much to live. Life is so short and you're already embracing adulthood. You cannot spend a lifetime looking at the past." Annika looked down.

"There is nothing worth fighting for," Annika mumbled.

"You're mistaken. There are many things fighting for Annika. Your life, your future, our children, my mom... me... A lot of people care for you and are not ready to let you go. I do care for you and letting you go would be my worst mistake. I cannot let go of someone as pure as you are Annika. I cannot let you destroy yourself when I can help you." Shivaay confessed leaving Annika taken aback. Was he saying what she thought he was? Was he saying indirectly that he loved her?

"You are saying this but you'll go with Carrie after I give birth to the babies. You'll marry her and live your life. And Ofelia cannot stay indefinitely with me. She is your family, not mine. Our children will be leaving me when they'll grow up to live their life. And my future? It looks so dark... it looks so gloomy... I can't see myself spending my life behind a desk as a CEO. This job is a dream to me because it was my mom's business but this is not what I want. But I have to keep fighting and lead her dream as she wanted it." Annika explained. "I always wondered why didn't she take me along with her that night? I was waiting for her to make a move towards my room and tell me to come along with her but she never came. Instead, she left and killed herself."

"Had she taken you along with her, she would have done a terrible mistake, an unforgivable mistake. You're a gem, Annika. You're a gem that has seen so much. You're a gem that is so hurt. You need to be fixed either by you or by someone. You cannot give up this early. If Ahana didn't take you along it's only because you deserve to live more experience. Ahana gave you the gift of life twice. Don't spoil it." Shivaay looked at her again and came to the conclusion that she wasn't ready after all. He was about to leave but then she put her hand on his thigh and sighed.

"Let's go, I am ready." She stuttered and unbuckled her seat belt. Shivaay got out of the car and as a good gentleman opened the door for her. As she saw the entrance of the cemetery, she realized that she hadn't come back to that place since she was six. She didn't remember the way to her grave. But then Shivaay led her to her mother's grave as if he had known that place by heart.

"How come you know the way?" She wondered as they were nearing the grave.

"I had to keep company to Ahana, she felt lonely here. I only wanted to remind her that her little Annie will come soon to visit her when she'll be ready." Shivaay said and Annika smiled a little. She would never be thankful enough for whatever he had done for her in the past few days.

They were now in front of the grave and she had fallen onto her knees. Shivaay had held her by her shoulders to prevent her from hurting herself. Annika began sobbing like a little child as she hugged the tombstone. She had realized it now that her mom would never come back. Shivaay didn't speak a word. He didn't even try to console her. He wouldn't try to stop the tears that waited twelve years to fall. He wanted her to take her pain out of her chest. He wanted her to finally be able to live.

"I hate you, mom! Why did you leave me, hun? Why did you go? Did I behave badly? What did I do? You're so mean! You left me in this world to suffer your loss while you're quietly enjoying God knows where! I hate you! I hate you because I miss you!" Annika broke down again and this time Shivaay decided to console her.

"This happens every time Annika. This is the way of life. Your mom is gone and it's alright. She is still living in your heart and she will forever be. Hating her will only darken your heart. Love her because she brought you to this world. Love her because she loves you and will always do. Love her because she brought you up with love. Love her because she's your sun, your moon, your everything." Shivaay caressed her back and she did something that stunned him, she took his hand and kissed it before turning around to hug him tightly. Shivaay was shocked but hugged her back until he felt her become heavier and he realized that she fell asleep.

"My warrior..." He whispered and kissed her forehead. She smiled in her sleep and hugged him tighter.