Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 5: The Package is In the Open

Church, Tucker, and the Rookie are standing on the blue base

Church: Let me get this straight... you gave this guy our flag.

Rookie: Is that bad?

Church: Bad? Oh no, that's not bad. Next time he comes over, why don't you just help him blow up the whole God damn base?

Tucker: There, there he is.

Church raises the sniper rifle and looks at Donut with the flag

Church: Where... oh, yeah, oh, I got him. He's sneaking around back behind the cliffs.

Tucker: He must be one smart son of a bitch.

Scene cut to Donut with the flag, in the Gulch

Donut: Oh, man, I am so freakin' lost. Where the hell is the base?

Back to the blue base

Church: Oh, shit... Hey Tucker, look at his armor. It's Red.

Tucker: Oh man, that means it's their Sergeant.

Church: Well, that makes sense. At least now we know how he got by our defenses.

Rookie: Uh you know, he came in the back door where you guys were standing.

Tucker: Yeah, okay, well let's take him out then.

Church: Roger that. Okay, say goodnight Sarge.

Church takes four shots, all of which miss to the left

Cut to Donut

Donut: Son of a bitch!

Back to the blue base

Church: Aw crap.

Tucker: ...

Church: ... what?

Tucker: You're really not very good with that thing, are you.

Back to Donut

Donut: Hey! It's me! Don't shoot! I'm the guy that bought the flag and the shotgun shells, remember!?

Back to the blue base

Tucker: Oh great, now he's taunting us. That's just embarrassing.

Church: Alright, that's it, I've had it. Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.

Rookie: Right!

Church: Tucker, you ready? Let's go.

Tucker: There is no way I'm going through that thing.

Church: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?

Tucker: I don't know, why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?

Church: We already tested the teleporter, remember?

Tucker: We threw rocks through it!

Church: Yeah, and, so what? The rocks came out the other side, didn't they?

Tucker: Yeah, but they were all hot, and covered with black stuff.

Church: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then, you're afraid of a little black stuff.

Tucker: Yes. I am. I am afraid of black stuff.

Church: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to you. (raising his gun to Tucker)

Tucker: You wouldn't...

Church: You know, I look at it this way: either A, we go through there, and get the flag back, or B, we stay here, and I get to kill you. Either way, I win.

Tucker: For the record, I want you to know, rocks aren't people.

Church: Duly noted. Now get in there.

Tucker: Crap... Alright. One, two...

Tucker runs in to the teleporter, camera races across to the other side, then cut back to Church and the Rookie at the base for a couple seconds, back to the Gulch for a couple seconds, back to the base for a couple seconds, back to the Gulch for a couple seconds, back to the base

Rookie: ... Huh, he didn't come out the other side...

Church: Yeeeaaaahhhhh, I've uh, I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.

Church jumps off the base and starts running

Church: Okay, Rookie, you stay here! I'll be back with the flag!

Cut to Ghost, Grif and Simmons on the red base, Grif looking through the sniper rifle

Simmons: I still have no idea what you're talking about. I didn't hear any shots.

Ghost: I heard them.

Grif: See! Even Ghost heard them, but I'm telling you, it was four shots. Like bam, bam, bam.

Simmons: Wait a second, that's only three bams.

Grif: Bam. (sees Donut with the flag) Wait a second, we've got a blue guy on the move out there.

Simmons: Where's he headed?

Grif: Oh crap... It... it's Donut. And he's got something... (zooms in, sees it's the flag) It looks like... Simmons, get the Warthog.

Simmons: Heh, you mean the Puma?

Grif: Yeah, keep making jokes. That'll win the war.