Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 12: Down, But Not Out

Caboose looking through the sniper rifle at the red base, Tucker with him

Grif: (in distance) Son... where'd he go? Don't kill me, I'm too good looking to die!

Caboose: Man... he is really kicking their asses.

Tucker: How come I never get the fucking sniper rifle?

Caboose: (lowers the rifle) I'm really glad Tex is on our team and not theirs.

Tucker: Sure makes things a lot easier on us.

Caboose: Yeah. I think switching Tex for Church was a good trade.

Tucker: It definitely seems like your killing Church is starting to work out for us.

Caboose: Ya know ya think so? You know, I was gonna say something but uh, well you know, uh... nuh...

Tucker: Did Tex get in the base?

Caboose: (raises the rifle, sees Tex enter the base) Yeah.

Cut to the flag stand in the blue base. Flag reappears

Freaky Game Voice: Blue team, flag returned.

Tucker: What the... who said that?

Church: (clears throat) Sorry, that was me. I uh, I guess I had something stuck in my throat. Your flag is back, by the way.

Caboose: Hey... it's Church.

Church: Yeah, it's me. Hey Caboose.

Caboose: Hey Church, what're you up to?

Church: Caboose, ah-huh-huh, I'm not really here to make small-talk, okay? How'd you guys manage to get your flag back?

Tucker: Wh, what? Oh, th, that flag? We've always had that.

Church: Tucker, who do you think you're trying to fool? Hey wait a second... Where's Tex?

Tucker: I'm not really sure, he said he was gonna go to the store, something about uh, Elbow Grease.

Church: Oh great. This is so typical! What was the one thing I told you guys the last time I appeared?

Caboose: That Sidewinder is cold!?

Church: Nuhhhh, what was the other one thing I told you?

Tucker: Not to let him get involved?

Church: Right. And what did you do?

Tucker: We let him get involved.

Church: And not just a little involved, how involved?

Caboose: Very, very involved.

Cut to Tex in the red base

Sarge: (emerging from the left) Freeze.

Lopez emerges from the right, pinning Tex

Ghost emerges from behind Tex without her knowing

Sarge: Drop your weapon.

Tex: (drops the gun) Hey buddy.

Sarge: What.

Tex: You really better hope the first one knocks me out.

Ghost hits Tex with the butt end of his shotgun, conveniently knocking Tex out

Cut to Grif on the red base

Grif: Ow, what the... My freakin' head. Jesus.

Simmons: (stands up from tending to Donut) He's hurt, Grif. He'll make it, but we need to get him some help fast.

Grif: Yeah, yeah hold on one second. What happened here? W- First Donut's head exploded, and then you fainted, and then some black thing showed up and started-

Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out.

Grif: Okay fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Simmons: Man, just go find Sarge, we need to get Donut outta here.

Grif: Yeah sure, oh, and uh, I'm fine by the way, thanks for asking. (runs down the ramp)

Simmons: Whatever, no one likes you anyway.

Cut to Caboose, looking through the sniper rifle at Grif entering the red base

Caboose: Yep, he's definitely captured... Or dead... Captured or dead. ...(inhales sharply) Or captured and dead!

Church: Oh, well that's just perfect!

Tucker: What? What is your problem? Why do you even care if he's captured, I thought you hated that guy anyway, for stealing your girlfriend?

Church: I never said I hated Tex. I just said that she was the reason why we never got married.

Caboose: She?

Cut to inside the red base, with everyone but Ghost and Donut present

Simmons: Sarge, we need to get Donut air-lifted outta here.

Sarge: Could you put that in a memo, and entitle it "Shit I already know!" Get on the horn with Command! Well, look who's up. Rise 'n' shine, buttercup.

Tex is standing, sparks flying from the right shoulder, jerking it back

Tex: (now sounding like a girl) Oh great... you broke my voice filter. You cock biting fucktards!

Grif: Ah-ha! I knew it! Only a chick could give me a headache this big!

Tex: ...What's the matter, you never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here?

Ghost walks in the room behind Tex

Ghost: No one else is around the base sir...

Tex turns around to see Ghost

Tex: Ghost!?

Ghost: Good to see you alive Tex.