Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 2 Episode 36: Dummies Are Forever

Tucker and Caboose overlooking the tank and Lopez

Tucker: Man, Lopez and Sheila have been spending a lot of time together.

Caboose: I don't like it. He's not good enough for my Sheila.

Tucker: They seem happy together.

Caboose: He, is a bad influence, and he, is taking advantage of her, because she, is young and naive. ...and delicate.

Ghost comes up the ramp and joins there conversation

Ghost: What are you guys talking about?

Caboose: We are talking about Lopez taking my sheila.

Ghost: He's not taking her. He's just making a plan with her to take over all of us but she's too delicate to hurt us.

Tucker: Delicate? She weighs like two hundred tons, dude.

Ghost: You shouldn't judge women by their weight you piece of shit.

Caboose: She is a precious flower.

Ghost: If you don't believe me go down there and ask what they're talking about, but other than that I got stuff to do.

Ghost leaves

Tucker: Fine I will.

Tucker runs down to Sheila and Lopez

Tucker: Hey guys, I have to ask you a favor. This might sound strange, but I think Caboose is getting kinda jealous over your relationship.

Caboose: (from somewhere) Sheeiiiilaaaaaa! Come baaack to meeee! I made you a muffin!

Tucker: Anyway, could you just try to keep a lower profile or something? We don't wanna have some weird, horribly disgusting love triangle. Also Ghost said that you were planning something!

Sheila: Tucker. I've been speaking with Lopez, and we feel that the machines have been treated unfairly in this canyon.

Tucker: What're you talking about?

Sheila: On a regular basis we are either being blown up, possessed by spirits, or just left out to rust.

Tucker: Huh?

Sheila: We have decided, that until conditions improve, we are not going to help you in your battles.

Tucker: You're kidding, right?

Sheila: (lowers her turret to look at Tucker) Do I look like I'm kidding?

Tucker: Please don't hurt me.

Sheila: Leave! Now!

Cut to the red base. Sarge is addressing the troops

Sarge:    It's very simple. We'll use a flea-flicker maneouver with a run and gun two by two approach, tactical ops will be- Aw hell, who'm I kiddin'. Grif, Donut, just go stand in the way of their bullets while me and Simmons 2.0 sneak around back to grab Lopez.

Donut: Sounds like a plan!

Grif: No it doesn't. How about this time we try something that doesn't involve me being shot at, or run over.

Simmons: Would electrified be okay?

Grif: No!

Simmons: Well, I'm out of ideas.

Grif: Look, instead of just running straight in to enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?

Donut: You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear, a spy tuxedo...