Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Revelation Chapter 5: Fourth and Twenty

Fade in to Caboose being harassed on top of a tall rock formation by 4 aliens below. Tucker is with them, but not harassing Caboose

Caboose: Go away, bad aliens! Shoo aliens shoo! Rolled up newspaper!

Tucker: Maybe you should have thought about that before you lost their all-powerful Deity.

Caboose: I didn't lose him, he left. Or maybe he lost himself. Or maybe the Reds took him.

Caboose gets shot

Caboose: I don't- ow, stop that.

Tucker: Well, until the Reds come back, they need somebody to blame. Better you than me man.

Caboose: Tucker, help me.

Tucker: Hyeah, dude, I don't know. I don't really wanna get in between an angry mob and their religious iconography. And I should know, I used to date an Italian girl.

Caboose: But he's not really gone, it's all made up. You know that.

The aliens turn toward Tucker

Tucker: Whoa dude, I don't know shit. That sounds like straight up blasphemy. You guys gonna put up with this shit?

Alien: Blarg.

Tucker: H-I know dude, that's what I'm saying. Took the blarg right out of my mouth.

Caboose: Tucker? They're going to eat me!

Tucker: Caboose shut the fuck up, they're not gonna eat you. They're just gonna persecute you and kill you, stop being such a baby.

Caboose: Look, the Reds, they're back. And they have your worshippy guy.

Tucker: What? Sarge...

Sarge: Hey Blue, we're back. Got Simmons too. Where's the water can? Oh also you got any more spare jeeps around here? I don't wanna get into it, but we've identified a tactical weakness in the hood of the current models. Oh uh, what're you guys doing? Killin' Caboose? That's cool. Don't let Ghost see it though, he will kill you all.

Caboose: There he is! He is the one who took Church! Get him.

Alien: Rawr? Rawrar.

Sarge: Ruh-roh.

Cut to Grif and Simmons with Church

Grif: How's Floaty McGee?

Simmons: Eh you know, same old. Still not working.

Grif: Is he dead?

Simmons: How the fuck would I know? And even if he was, would it make a difference with this guy?

Grif: Meh, prob'ly not.

Simmons: Now we've got sand all in his ports. How'm I supposed to fix him in an environment like this?

Grif: Sounds like you have sand in your ports.

Simmons: Why did we even come here, it's a fucking desert.

Grif: I don't know. This is where we were before we came to get you. And where else can we go anyway? There's bad guys at our base and Sarge never wants us to get far from the Blues. I don't know if you've noticed this Simmons, but he's a little obsessed. He still wants to get 'em back in the database so we can kill 'em. How's that goin' by the way? Any progress?

Simmons: Progress?

Grif: It's your project.

Simmons: I was held captive.