Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Revelation Chapter 9: Backup Plans

Fade in to Wash and the Meta getting ready

Washington: Alright Meta, get ready.

I could swear I just said that

Washington: Fire!

Wash tosses a grenade, and the Meta fires one

Washington: Huh, well that actually seemed to work.

Hey, Doc's free

Doc: ...Ow!

Washington: Doc, how do you feel?

Doc: Uh okay I guess, all things considered- hey does anybody know where we can find a good medic?

Washington: I don't get paid enough for this.

Wash wanders off, and the Meta slowly follows

Doc: Geeze, tough room.

Cut to the Reds just inside the facility

Grif: I told you that stupid plan wouldn't work.

Simmons: That's because you said your name was Agent Pluto!

Sarge: Heh, luckily we had the old contingency plan to fall back on.

Grif: Sarge-hhh, shotgun in the face is not a contingency plan. I keep telling you that.

Cut to a face-shotgunned FILSS outside the base on the tree

FILSS: Hhhhhhllo, this is a private facility. Hello, this is a private facility.

Back to the "action"

Sarge: Don't be so quick to judge, Grif. Shotgun in the face can be applied in a variety of tough situations. For instance, watch how quickly it cures insubordination.

Caboose: Oh no!

South: Fucker!

Connie: Get behind the door!

Ghost: Well this is interesting!

Crash, tinkle

Simmons: What was that?

Sarge: It came from down here. Come on.

Cut to one of the aliens drawing something in the sand for Wash

Washington: I don't like this.

Doc: Look, I talked to them. They're gonna draw us a map and show us where Epsilon went. After that you can let me go.

Washington: You sure that's what he's doing?

Doc: Well, my Alien to English is a little rusty. I would suggest we get one of those translator balls, but we got enough jerks around here already.

Meta: (something)

Washington: I agree. We should just kill most of them, the last one left alive will talk.

Doc: Wash, you just can't kill everybody you meet.

Washington: Why not?

Doc: Uh... well now you're putting me on the spot, I don't really have an answer for that, just seems like a bad idea though. Karma?

Alien: Rarh. Blarggh.

Doc: Hey, he's done drawing the map.

Alien: Rr-rarrar, hunrarrar unhunrarrarrar.

Doc: What does it say? What does it say?

Editor's note: it says Humens Suk, with a stick man with the word shisno pointing at it

Washington: It says peace talks have broken down. Now we do it our way.

The Meta instantly shot at all the aliens killing them! But we cut back to Ghost, the Girls, and Caboose outside the door while Church is dicking around inside

Church: Just hold still. No don't go-

Crash, tinkle

FILSS: I sense things are not going well.

Caboose: Yes please just keep the door shut, thank you that's fine.

Ghost: Yeah, just keep it shut.

FILSS: I am sorry, but if the Director requests the door to be opened, I am required to comply.

Caboose: Just keep the door shut.

South: Would we be able to put up more security?

FILSS: No.

Grif: Guys, is that you?

Church: Stop! Don't move, don't move, don't-

Crash, tinkle

Church: Hrhhh.

Connie: I hate the Director!

Ghost: Everyone does.

Caboose: Oh! Oh hello everyone!

Ghost: Hey.

Church: Stop!

Caboose: Yes. Everyone who wasn't here before is now here now. Hello.

Sarge: What're you up to, Blue.

Caboose: Me? Oh nothing. I'm not hiding anything behind this door.

Church: Uh, I wouldn't pick that up it looks expensive-

Crash, tinkle

Simmons: Euh, I think he's lying.

Grif: What was your first clue?

Sarge: Let us see what's in there.

Ghost: No!

Caboose: In here? Oh. Nothing is in here. Um, well this probably isn't even a door, either. It's, probably-

The door shakes with a bang

Sarge: What the heck was that?

Caboose: Oh that was me. Uh, I said this isn't a door, I said it's a gong.

Grif: A gong, what the hell is a-

Another bang dents the door outwards

Caboose: A gong.

Part of the lock gets pushed out from the inside

Caboose: I'm just going to walk over this way, now, excuse me. Yes, thank you. Pardon me, coming through.

Ghost: Yeah, i'm going too. Come on girls.

Sister: Good luck.

South: You're going to need it.

Ghost, The Girls, and Caboose walks right past the Reds and continues walking through the base as the door continues to thump

Caboose: Yes excuse me, yes pardon me. Excuse me, yes thank you. Pardon me, coming through. Yes excuse me, yes pardon me.

Now that they're gone... the door continues being bent out from behind and shaking

Grif: Um, Sarge, what's the plan here?

Sarge: Men, we have a perfect ambush scenario.

Simmons: I agree. Unless wait, are we the ambushers or, the ambushees. Hey, can you ambush something that's trying to beat its way through metal plating to get to you?

Sarge: Okay, first, we just wait for the door to open-

The door is slowly crumbled, and then shoots off the hinges over top of them

Grif: Door's open.

Sarge: What the- hh?

Tex: Okay. So who's first?