Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 3 Episode 55: Defusing the Situation

Fade in to the Blues

Tucker: You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk.

Caboose: I'm not telling you that, he's telling you that.

Andy: Yeah, and I'm standing right here. You can talk to me.

Tucker: If you could talk this whole time, then why didn't you just... wait, why'm I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this.

Andy:    What, am I not good enough to talk to? Who do you think you are, some kind of "too good to talk to a bomb" type?

Church: Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device.

Tex: I agree.

Church: I wasn't talking about you Tex.

Tex: Hey, why don't you suck my -

Tucker: Did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?

Church: Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us, and that Andy here is probably the thing that does it.

Tucker: Oh. That's not good.

Church: Wait a minute, I'm forgetting two things, wait a minute.

Church walks over to Tucker and kicks him in the balls

Tucker: What was that for?!

Church: That's for not burying my body, dipshit! hey Ghost.

Ghost: What?

Church: Sheila says she loves you.

Tex: WHAT!!!

Church: Wow Tex calm down.

Tex: I WILL NOT!!! THAT BITCH THINKS SHE CAN TAKE MY GHOST!!!

Ghost: Wait, when did I become your Ghost?

This made Tex stop and slowly turn toward Ghost and she blushes badly and her helmet

Tex: N-n-nothing!!

Church: Holy shit I think is the first time Tex has  ever stuttered.

Tex: Shut up church!

Tucker: How do you get all the girls!

Ghost: Shut up, Tex we'll talk about this later! And,  church or Andy whoever was about to talk next please continue

Andy: Thanks, I don't think so. Bunch of shisnos if ya ask me. And noone did ask me which I find insulting!

Church: Alright, alright calm down Andy, calm down.

Andy:    Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!

Church: Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown.

Andy:    (under Church) Look at me! I'm calm!

Caboose: Andy, everyone here is your friend. And noone wants to hurt you.

Andy:    Yeah right.

Caboose: Come on Andy, think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?

Andy:    Being in the middle of a huge explosion!

Church: Less happy place Caboose, less happy place.

Caboose: Ah u... think calming thoughts, uh... let's count backwards from ten! Ten, nine, eight-

Tex and Tucker: NO!

Church: (at the same time) Duck!

Cut to the Reds, Simmons in the Warthog and Grif next to it

Simmons: Okay. I'm ninety-five percent certain that the distress signal is coming from that way.