Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 75: Things Are Looking Down

Fade in to Sarge leading Simmons and Grif across the Gulch at what could almost be called a run

Sarge:    Come on, double time men! That goes double for you, Grif.

Grif: Why are we always double timing, anyway? Can't we ever half-time? Or how 'bout no time?

Sarge:    No, numbnuts. According to Simmons, the Blues have already re-established contact with their Command.

Grif: What? That's why we're running?

Sarge:    Of course. By now they could be receiving reinforcements. Or taking advantage of some new technological weapons development.

Grif: Or maybe their Command has been giving them the same generic orders ours always gives us like, "Try to win" and, "Do better than you're currently doing." I swear, sometimes I think they don't even know our names.

Sarge:    That's just what I wanted you to hear. The conversations I had with Command always provided vital intelligence.

Grif: Like what?

Sarge: Like the location of the Blue base.

Grif: Right there.

Sarge: And the number of soldiers they have.

Grif: Three.

Sarge: Also, the location of the base.

Grif: Auh, you already said that one.

Sarge:    I meant our base.

Simmons: Weren't we the ones that provided them the intel in the first place?

Sarge:    Initially yes. But Command processes our raw data and gives us back the key details. You may recall they sent us plans of the next phase of the war. They were stored in Lopez before he was kidnapped.

Grif: You mean before he ran away.

Sarge:    No, I mean shut up, Grif.

Simmons: But how do we even know he still has the plans? Last time we saw him, all that was left was a head. Maybe he stored the files in his legs, or his chest.

Sarge:    You idiot, who stores memories in their chest? Don't you know anything 'bout biology? The chest is strictly reserved for digestion.

Grif: Maybe they'll send us more reinforcements like last time. Donut's arrival was a real turning point in the offensive.

Sarge:    Where is Donut?

Simmons: There he is. Looks like he's talking to something.

Sarge:    Looks like a rock. Grif!

Grif: What.

Sarge:    I need information on that rock, ASAP! Approach the target via flanking maneouver and establish defelade at that ledge, Point Alpha!

Grif: Or I could just look through the scope of the sniper rifle since that's worked the last eight hundred times.

Sarge:    Yeah alright fine, take all the fun out of it.

Grif looks through the scope, and through the magic of almost-television we see through it too and learn Donut is talking with Lopez

Sarge:    I like my way better. It was more dangerous for you.

Grif: Sarge I have great news. Looks like you're gonna get your plans after all. And I'm not gonna have to do any more running. So everybody wins.

Simmons: What about me, I didn't win anything.