『 baby contract + pjm 』COMPLETED

+ 35

my breath hitched, i stared at him as he looked away.

"aren't you scared?" i asked him.

"of course i am, i'm scared of hurting you again, y/n. i still feel like a monster, but around you, i always melt." he smiled at me, "are you scared?"

"i am. very much scared. you were a devil in my eyes but now...." i gulped, "all i see is a loving dad and man." i assured him. 

he faked coughed and stared in front, not knowing what to say next. both of our hearts were heard as the wind started getting coldy. but we didn't care.

some people might see him as a monster, i did too. he showed me how much he regret doing that, though he's unconscious, he's still responsible. he showed me how willing he is to carry the guilt for me to forgive him.

"but you know i can't like you. once a monster, always a monster. that's what i believe in, y/n." he silently said.

then why is he admitting his feelings for me?

"i forgive you." i immediately said, repeating the words that once slipped in my tongue.

"but i don't, y/n." he said, repeating the same statement but bitterly smiling. "i don't want you to see me and be reminded  of what i've done. you've suffered enough." 

"then why do you keep on showing motive, admitting your feelings right now-"

"because i'll stop." he cut me off, "i tried to stopped myself from seeing you but i just can't. my feelings grew deeper, my fear of hurting you went big." 

"i like you, too." i admitted.

he stopped and looked at me, "you shouldn't."

"what are you gonna do then? i can't stop my feelings, jimin. now that we're both parents to eui hae." i started getting frustrated.

i forgive him, is that not enough for him to forgive himself.

"i can't stop my feelings too, but i can't stop this growing fear too. y/n, just because we have a daughter, that doesn't mean you can forgive me. i did too much things to you-"

"can't it be all in the past?"

his mouth opened slightly, "a past that will continue on hunting you? i can't give a love that might hurt you."

"but you can give me a love that will heal me." i said, looking straight into his eyes.

i saw a glimpse of tears in the corner of his eyes. if he's scared, i am too. this is a fight but i'm not scared if i'm with him.

"i don't know y/n. i don't know. it hurts that the past keeps on haunting me. it keeps on reminding me how bad i am, y/n." 

i saw how hard it is dealing with regret and guilt in his eyes. even my forgiveness can't erase it, even the mutual feelings we have can't.

"you are not the problem, okay? it's inside me. i can't get rid of it-"

"we can get rid of it together, jimin." i reached for his hands and squeezed it for reassurance.

both of us stared at each other, hoping these feelings will submerge the fear inside of us. the fear of loving each other because of our past. i want him to know that all i see with him is not the past, but with the future.

"are you ready to move forward? with me?" he asked and i immediately nod, smiling at him.

"we've come so far, it's too late to give up now, right?" i smiled.

"if i ever make you feel like you're not enough, leave me, take eui hae. if i ever did something that hurt you, leave me. it's not like i'm gonna hurt you, but please, do not consider my feelings if ever-"

"i will." i smiled at him.

"and if i ever ever ever ever said something offending please-" 

i cut him off by kissing him. i touched his cheeks and angled my face.

so this is how it feels, touching someone you adore, it's like every interaction is magical. it feels like you're in the air, not caring when you will drop, just flying through the clouds carelessly.

i pulled away and his eyes are widened.

"my mom taught me that always bringing up the past will block your entrance to move forward. it is never easy to love, jimin. but with you, i will face it even if it's hard." i smiled, still touching his cheeks, "so don't be afraid to love okay?"

"the only fear i have is hurting you, y/n." his tears flowed down.

"and my greatest fear is not loving you right now, jimin." i smiled.

+

ohhhh are we close to the ending? hmm