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Unsure

PERRIE'S POV~

So at the moment, I am preparing my stuffs and everything I need before we go to New York City in USA where mine and Zayn's wedding will be held. I'm not really sure about that, I don't even know if I'm gonna marry the right person.

No one stood by my side. They are all against me. They're always saying that Zayn is the one for me. That Zayn can help us rise and overcome our problems which were left after my father was gone.

My father died because of too much working. When he's still alive, I was always telling him to stop, to rest, but he disagreed. He didn't listen. He kept on working his ass off. Until it came to the point that he's starting to get weak. Became bedridden. I remember myself crying beside him and confronting him. But he said, he's doing the right thing because it's for us. And right after he said that, he closed his eyes which led to a permanent sleep.

After he died, we lost our fortune. We do not have anything or anyone to rely on for our necessities. Because it's just myself, and my mother who were left living together. Few days later, they introduced me someone and it's Zayn. He came from a very wealthy family and of course he's rich. They have business that keeps their fortune high. My mother said that I should marry him for our sake. But I don't and can't understand, why do we need him? We can learn to stand for ourselves, right?

Not only my mother, but all of our close relatives kept on telling me that I should accept him. That I should marry him. Until those days came when he started to bring me out in some fancy restaurants. Which is definitely for rich people like him. I had no doubt. He is indeed wealthy. My mother is obviously glad just because I am accepting Zayn. It is just because I got no choice. They said that if I disagreed or go other way 'round, nothing great will happen in my whole life. What's the difference though?

Until one day came, the day he proposed to me. I really had no idea that he's going to propose me that time, but I somehow expected it. It's what they want right?.

I don't know what to feel that time, but right after he got down on one knee and asked me those four words, I was overwhelmed and replied that one word everyone's expecting.

A sweet music was playing at the speakers, spreading so much love at this place. I literally had no idea what is going on and what's going to happen.

We're in a fancy restaurant, with a massive chandelier in the ceiling. There were musicians, chefs, waiters, my mother, some of my close relatives, and of course Zayn. Few minutes ago before they appeared, me and Zayn are just peacefully eating when the romantic music in the speaker suddenly became little bit louder. Until my mother, and some of my relatives suddenly appeared from the door. Why are they here?

I looked at Zayn confused.

"What's going on? Why are they here?" I asked, still confused.

"You will see," He replied, and winked at me. What is he going to do?

He stood up and held my hand, and told me to stand up with him. Despite of being confused, I still obeyed him. I stood up, while he's still holding my right hand between his palms.

He started to tell me some sweet things, describing me, how much he loves me, and everything he could possibly say. Until he finally let go of my hand, and get something from his pocket. It's a little blue box. Then he got down on one knee, he opened the box that shows a beautiful ring with a massive blue diamond in it. Asking me those four words.

"Will you marry me?" He asked, looking at me intensely. I can feel everyone's eyes are all on me, digging every inch of my body. Really?

I just stood there staring at the ring, double-thinking and battling with my mind to either say yes or no. I looked at everyone's faces, and I can tell that they have "say yes" look. But then I looked back at him, in the rings, and at him again, feeling so overwhelmed I replied with the answer that I'm not really sure about.

"Yes," I said simply then he stood up hugging me tight. Everyone started to applause, happiness written all over their faces.

"I really expected you to say yes my sweetheart," He whispered in my ears then puts the ring on my finger.

What a stupid decision Edwards.

Then several days after that, I found out that- that was just a set up. Of course. What else could I expect?

"Perrie, are you ready to go aboard Titanic for tomorrow?" Zayn asked, snapping me out of my reverie. I just hate myself, after remembering the decision I made which I'll surely regret, or actually regretting at the moment.

I nodded my head yes as an answer. He looked not satisfied.

"Why does it seems like you're not happy? Aren't you excited to marry me?" He asked, seriousness written in his expression.

I sighed. "I am happy. And I'm excited," I said, not really sure if that's the truth.

"It looks like you're not. What's wrong?" He said then he used his hand to turn my head to face him.

"Maybe I'm just exhausted, that's all," I excused. I hope he won't dig any further.

"You should rest babe, We are going to leave tomorrow," He said, looking concerned. Wow unexpected.

"I'm alright. I can rest in Titanic," I replied, but I knew he wasn't buying my answer. But instead of talking any further, he just dropped it and begin to pack his things up.

In whatever I do, my decision is kept bothering me. Why have I decided like that? Well, I had no choice. I don't know what to do anymore. And I never actually felt any love from my so called "fiancé". I'm pretty sure that it's just all about the fortune and fancy things.

My mother never stopped from telling me that Zayn can give everything I want and need. She said that he can provide every possible necessities. But in fact, he didn't really love me at all. He proposed (which was a set up), because of the wealth. Them forcing me to say yes, was just because of money. They kept on forcing me even though I did everything I could to disagree and go against them. Now, I don't know if I can live in this cruel and fucked up world and life any longer.

I'm so trapped and controlled. They want me to follow everything they are going to say. They said it's right that I accepted Zayn. Really? That's the only right thing they can see in my decision. To be honest, it's not really my decision. It's just my stupid self, obeying that stupid thing. When I said no, they go against me. If I ran away, they will hate me. And when I go out with Zayn, they were rushing me to accept him. I am definitely living in this cruel and fucked up world. What would be the benefit of the wealth for me if they are making me feel trapped? If it wasn't because of my father being gone, then none of these things will happen. Just normal. But really, why? Why are they so desperate for money?

Sometimes I kept on wondering, why is this happening to me? To us? I'm really unsure. Unsure of my life. Unsure of my decisions. Unsure of everything. It's just, my life is really unsure.

~~~

A/N: Perrie's point of view. What can you say readers? Hope you like it.❤️

~RR~

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