Breathing Blues

He'd Never Be Able To See Me

06 -

I asked him to pull up to the drive through of CCD and bought him his desired Oreo Shake although he insisted on paying.

Further parking the car at an ethical spot, it was immensely awkward.

Why did I wanted to tell him again?

"So, basically I wanted to tell you something", I said breaking the ice and he took a long sip from the straw which made a 'slurphhh' sound.

I blinked.

"That I figured", Darshan looked at me for a second, then back at his shake.

I sighed deeply and let it out, "I'm not what you think I'm", my tone slower than a tortoise.

Why am I so nervous?

"I figured that too", he took another disgustingly big sip making that eeire voice.

"Now, that you've figured everything. Drop me back monsieur", I hissed sarcastically and Darshan half smiled turning his head opposite to me.

Gosh, he's sexy.

"Tell me more, Tara", he smiled, genuinely this time. He knows my name?

I thought he called me Riya? How does he- "You told me, I remembered", he said interrupting the chain of my thoughts and I gave him a reassuring smile.

"I was drunk that night we met though I was in my senses and you looked pretty hot and sex---anyways so I wanted to make out with you so I played along and I know it isn't right but it was this one time so I'm really sorry. I bought you the envelope that you gave me that day...it isn't mine to keep really and wait--are you mad at me for real?", I went on and on, not even considering his facial expressions.

"Why will I be mad at you?", his voice was calm as always. "I don't even know you, to be mad at you", his jaw set. "But have you realised in a sane head how dangerous it could've been? Not to brag, I'm a nice person but what if you wanted to make out with a not so nice person", Darshan looked at me. I was having a hard time listening to it because I knew exactly where this was going. "I know that you're young and you think what you're doing will end up with results you would be able to process but it isn't like that you know", he lectured me just like Chitan would do and I wasn't paying any heed to it.

"I'm sorry", I said in a small gibberish voice without meaning it at all and Darshan took another long ridiculous sip of that thing.

That noise is so annoying.

"To you, yes you should be. To me, why?", he started the ignition.

"Because I ruined your mood maybe?", I shrugged and he chortled. Not that I would hate making out with you heh.

"Do I like sex? Yes. Am I maniac about it? No. I can thrive with or without it", he didn't make eye contact but I could feel his smile the way he said that.

"Are you genuinely heartbroken or this is a facade you pull up?", I questioned, staring at him, out of nowhere.

Me and my questions.

"Heartbroken? Isn't everyone heartbroken? Though when I open up I'm fun to be with really and I don't open up with the kind of person you were impersonating", he sarcastically taunted. "And not to satisfy your curiosity, no I don't sit in a dark room staring at the wall kind of heartbroken", Darshan added and I chuckled.

He definitely had a taste of hurt in his life, I was sure of it but I'd no interest in finding out because once you open up with those parts of someone you start feeling attached and even though he's a celebrity and he can benefit me in a lot of ways, I didn't wanted to know.

Maybe, I want to stay in touch with him after this because he can be of great help but I don't want to hear another sob story because let's be realistic...all of us has one sob story and I was practically raised with trauma in my system, so much that it's almost funny in a dark way.

"Did I hit a nerve of yours?", he asked, in confusion and I controlled myself from laughing. He looked so comical.

"Nope, not really! I was just trying to imagine what do you in your spare time if not sit in a dark room and stare at walls", I mocked in seriousness and he glared me which made me laugh.

"By the way Tara", he paused and coughed once, "what do you do?", he asked and I thought.

I...do all sort of absurd and eccentric things which a normal person wouldn't do.

"3rd year, filmmaking student", I stated and he looked at me surprised. Oh, he thought I do acting because that's what I told him.

"You really remind me of myself when I was young", Darshan's expression closed up.

"And now you're 70", I scoffed and he snorted, looking at the road, turning the steering wheel.

The AC as usual - super cold and golden street lights on us as his car sped.

"No, but overtime things change. Popularity and money changes you. Even if you say you wouldn't change, it just happens but on the bright side well you can get yourself Levis and Gucchi and Zara", he tried to make it sound as if it was funny but it wasn't. Even reluctant people like me could feel it.

"But it doesn't have to be a change that makes you forget who you're to yourself. Not the world, not your family, friends, love interests but you", I softly spoke and he just listened without looking at me. "I mean, look at me. I'm sitting here in your car, I'm bankrupt literally and I've to pay to my credit card bill in 70 days. I've an assignment to submit tomorrow morning which marks heavily on this semester and my water purifier just went crap so I've like a little water supply and I've no idea what I'm going to do but I'm me, ruined, crappy, same old me and I do not have Levis, Gucchi and Zara but I can bet I'm happier than you", I tried not to make it sound like a lecture. He turned his head smiling at me.

"Yep, I get it and I know you're are and I'm glad that you're happy but you're young", he carried on and I rolled my eyes.

"Hello uncle, no it has nothing to do with young. I've been 18+ since I was 12 so that makes me 27 right now. Will you shut the fuck up?", I retorted. "You have given too much power to things that don't matter and people who overpower you and you blame it on age. Let me break it out to you Darshan Raval no one fucking cares but a 70 year old uncle is happier than you", I, by all means, lectured on purpose this time.

"You make it sound unrealistic you know", Darshan chuckled and it annoyed me more.

Why can't you accept that you're wrong? But I decided to let it go.

"I'll challenge you some other time", I scoffed faking annoyance.

"Sure", he agreed, but we knew there would be no other time.

He was going to drop me and that was it. Maybe I could go see him in a concert but he'd never be able to see me and the thought comforted me for some very odd reasons.