Breathing Blues

Cooler Lifestyle And Fashion Sense

19 -

"What do you mean?", I asked him.

"You...what is your problem?", Darshan patted on the bonnet next to him. I moved and sat beside him.

"Life, why is it so unrealistically drastic is my problem", I kept a hand on his shoulder and he removed it, watching me. "What is my problem?", I repeated his question.

"(A) - if you want to talk to me about life and the unrealistic-ness of it or anything like that, please arrange alcohol and a dark atmosphere.
(B) - Your problem is that you're so messed up in your head and I exactly want to know what is it? Because I'm done dealing with it", Darshan said, gloomily.

I just didn't like talking about these sort of things. It kind of makes the whole atmosphere go from 'woah' to 'boo' in a second but life isn't like that. You can't just have a fun and light relationship with anyone and also hope it'd be strong. You have to talk about what things fuck you up, that's efforts. When you don't - you break it. You break it bloody.

I looked at him and exhaled. I could already feel depressed.

"I feel so insecure around you. I think you secretly judge me at the back of your head. Why are you friends with me? I'm no one. I impersonated a callgirl in front of you. What does that makes me?", I bit my lip.

I was too drowned in embarrassment to look up. Talking isn't easy.

"What? Wait, let me digest it. You're so fucking stupid", Darshan wrapped his hand around my shoulder, squeezing me into a side hug and I smiled as I absorbed his warmth. "I know it's pretty hard to believe that someone wants to be friends with you out of nowhere but sometimes we all get friendlust. I've my reasons", he said and I just listened. "I don't judge you because I kind of understand you. You're different in some ways surely but when I look at you I see myself, just really sexy and intellectual version but myself. I know your appetite of dreams. I can imagine the lengths you'll go to get work done. I can feel it. Now don't ask an elaborate version of it", he continued and I chuckled. "You were impersonating a callgirl but I was actually paying one. What does that makes me? We all have our reasons and I don't judge you at the back of my head. The only people who know how we met are we. I've not told anyone and I won't. Somethings I like to keep for myself so please", Darshan rubbed my shoulder and I smiled.

I'd been feeling inferior which is rare and I've been cat-calling myself a lot of stuff these past days. It's all making so much sense now.

"I don't judge you for paying a callgirl...I didn't even think about it", I spoke, softly.

"Then why did you judge yourself?", he asked. "We're a generation of fuckups, trust issues, betrayal, toxic people, traumas and whatnot so if you don't like connecting with people often, don't. If you want to be a bitch on purpose, be a bitch. Just please don't assume things and rather talk", he said.

It wasn't even a pep talk. It was like heart to heart on the road, under the sun and a lot of sweat.

"You can be an uplifting speaker, did someone tell you that?", I nudged him and he chuckled.

"I'm happy by making songs but I'll consider it for the next lifetime. Thanks", he said, mocking me.

"After all of this, you know I'll be there for you", I looked at him and he hugged me a little tighter.

"I'm glad. I'll also try to except uh when I'm with my girlfriend or um just want to have an annoy-free day", Darshan joked and I hit him again.

"You say that again and you'll get a kick", I said, as we looked at the road.

"You might be the most annoying person I know", Darshan exclaimed.

"Might be? What do you mean might be? There is someone else?", I looked at him and he gave a half smile.