Be My Mistake | ✓

[ 36 ]

A/N: The song linked above [Be My Mistake by The 1975] embodies almost 98% of this chapter as you get a glimpse inside of Yasir's bewildered, yet clear thoughts. This song was also the inspiration for this whole story, too!

Also, it mentions some triggering, self-harm language for a line or two! Please read at your own risk, if you're sensitive to such material, thank you! ❤️

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- Yasir's POV -

"God, that trip to Turkey really cleared up my head." I say as I lean back on the chair.

It's been about two weeks since Noor and I have come back from our mini getaway.

"I'm sure it did. Noor can be a ball of sunshine if she wants to be." Lateef says, not looking up from the contract he's reading over.

"Or a murderous machine." I add.

"That too." Lateef chuckles.

"You liked her, didn't you?" I suddenly bring up. "Did I ruin your chances of being with her?"

I'm not stupid... I would see the way Lateef would look at Noor sometimes. But in my defence, he would always tell me whenever he started to fancy a girl... he never said anything about Noor.

My question starts making him choke. "W-why would you think that?"

I shrug my shoulders. "No real reason."

"No, don't be stupid. She's great but I didn't see her as more than a friend." His answer doesn't sound convincing but I let it slide.

There's no point of bringing it up now, Noor can't be his anyways.

"So, did you two get along?" Lateef asks about the trip as he takes a sip of his water.

"I almost had sex with her." I answer nonchalantly.

He spits out his water all over the floor.

"Lateef! You almost ruined all the fucking documents!" I yell.

"You can't tell me shit like this so casually. Fuck, that took me by surprise." He says as he quickly grabs paper towels to clean up the water. "I guess I should stop worrying about you two, then."

"No, I think you should keep worrying. Just in case." I stare out the large floor to ceiling windows in my office, getting lost in the memories I have recently created.

They all include Noor, her laugh, her smiles, her frowns, her jokes and her kisses. Nadira hasn't been talking to me like she used to and because of that, I somehow always end up at Noor's.

She welcomes me in without a word, she knows exactly when I'm upset and sometimes, how to make me upset. I shouldn't... I shouldn't call her whenever I need her. I shouldn't use her the way I do but I can't help it.

She fills up the emptiness that's harbouring within me. See, since Nadira married Shahid, the emptiness has always been there.

I've tried to feel when I graze the blade across my skin, the blood escapes but my emptiness still cling on. I didn't feel anything. I've tried to feel when I stop breathing. I tried to feel something but there's nothing.

I've become more and more better at hiding it, masking it using simple emotions such as being more stoic or cold.

My very presence puts people off and no one asks questions. My sheer emptiness started to reflect my life... my closet is empty, my cupboards, my fridge, my drawers. I stopped caring and stopped feeling.