✓Crotchet || MCND Castle J

Chapter 22 - Goodbye

Minji's POV

I was startled when I saw him outside the campus gates. I've been ignoring his calls the entire day and I didn't expect him to be here.

"We're supposed to have dinner today," Seongjun said. There's something odd in his voice, like tiredness. I've never heard him like this before.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"You aren't answering my calls." It wasn't a question. He was stating the obvious.

"I'm sor—"

"No need for that." He said coldly.

Guilt flickered down my spine. "Are you angry?"

"No." He said with finality in his voice so I didn't ask more. He is angry.

I followed him to a restaurant I've never been to before. We sat at a table for two. Seongjun ordered right away without looking at the menu. He didn't even ask me what I want to eat or if I'm hungry or anything at all.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked but he avoided my eyes. "Look, I know you're angry at me—"

"I said I'm not angry." He frowned.

"But you clearly are..." He shot me a look. I wasn't used to this Seongjun. All people get angry but I didn't expect him to be like this over something so small. Or was it not small? There clearly is something more than me ignoring his messages. "Talk to me."

He looked at me in the eyes, debating whether he can really talk to me or not. "Why didn't you tell me you went to the company yesterday?"

"I didn't think it was necessary," I answered. It wasn't exactly a lie and it wasn't the truth, either. I just don't know what to say.

"You think that wasn't necessary? They showed you a picture that involves me and you think that wasn't important?"

"I just thought they'd also tell you that," I said, my voice quivering.

"And if they didn't?" He asked. "You don't still plan on telling me?"

"No—"

"Then why weren't you answering me? I've contacted you dozens of times."

"I'm so sorry. I was just thinking of what to do."

"You even sent the pictures to them before telling me." His voice was soft but it was rising slowly. There's definitely anger in his tone but it's not just that. "I told you to trust me. I promised you I'd fix this and you also promised you won't avoid me but what were you doing?"

"I just thought the company could do more."

"And you think I can't?"

"That's not it."

The waiter arrived with our food and we fell silent. There was still this tension I couldn't understand. This is our first real argument and I didn't know he'll react this way. We can talk about this calmly but it's as if he's spitting out my flaws without consideration. It's not like him to do that.

Three plates of Korean dishes that I haven't tried before are now between us on the table. But we didn't pay them any attention. We were just looking at each other.

"I like you." He blurts, just like when he asked me to go out with him. On any occasion, that would've made me blush. But, right now, that wasn't the intention. There's a pain in his voice even though he sounded sincere. It felt wrong and he isn't breaking eye contact. "But, clearly, you don't feel the same way."

"That's not true. I like you..."

"No. You just think you do." He said. I watched my reflection from his watery eyes and I pictured myself close to tears, too. "Because I'm comfortable to be with and I idiotically do whatever you say. You think you like me because I'm one of the few people who worries about you, who takes care of you." He paused. "You don't even trust me."

Suddenly, I wasn't sure of my feelings anymore. Was it right, what he just said? Is it really possible to confuse what I'm feeling towards him as something...less? I thought of Jerry, Taewoo, Yongha, Jihwa, and even Mimi. I like them all. What makes Seongjun different from them? I let a tear drop from my eye, unable to talk.

"I'm right, aren't I?" His eyes are red from holding back tears. He refused to look at me now as tears overflow to my chin. "I knew it."

"You're being unfair," I muttered.

"Am I?" He's facing my direction but he isn't really looking at me anymore. "Or are you?"

He stares at me blankly and I wanted to cup both my hands on his cheeks to make him see me, to make him understand me. But I guess I'm the one being unfair.

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" I said, attempting to change the subject. "We're here to have dinner because we won't be able to see each other much when you debut."

He shook his head. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"What?" My heart twists in pain. I couldn't believe it. I wanted to protest. I wanted to remind him that he was the one who said that he couldn't bear being without me.

But I stayed silent. Somehow, I can't. Somehow, I also want this.

"I think I..." His voice cracked. "I think I'm already tired of looking after you. I'm not sure if we'll ever work out."

"You aren't serious," I said. I wasn't asking. I know he really isn't. Do I? I'm not so sure anymore so I asked. "Are you?"

He just smiled lightly, a gloomy one and it aches me to see him with that expression. "I am. I'm sorry."

It's my turn to shake my head. He isn't really saying that, is he?

"Eat." He said and nodded to the food on the table. "You'll like those."

I stared at the plates. How could I even eat in this situation?

He reached for my hand on the table and squeezed it. It stayed there and I can feel my disappointment throughout my whole body when he let go. I wanted to grab it back, to feel more of his warmth.

"I should go." He said as he wiped his eyes. "I still have practice." He stood up and he paused and looked at me for a few moments. I didn't meet his gaze. I couldn't. "Goodbye, Minji." He whispered and I burst into tears.

I watched him pay at the counter and I cried silently, being careful so that no one would notice me.

After I drained all the tears from my eyes, I don't know how long I stayed there motionless, in front of the untouched food he bought for me.

Someone sat in front of me and, for a moment, I wished it was Seongjun realizing he didn't mean the things he'd said.

But it wasn't him. When I looked up, I saw the smirking face of Gaeun.

"What do you want?" I snapped.

"I saw that." She said. "I told you he's out of your league."

I didn't answer. I ignored her. She can say whatever she wants.

"Well, I just came by to tell you that. You should have listened to me earlier. It could have spared you all those tears."

She stood up and left.

And I've never felt so alone.