𝕃𝕆𝕊𝔼ℝ • conan gray

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛𝟙

☹☹☹

Conan looked appalled to hear what I said, and he was flustered. I got nervous, mentally slapping myself for saying that so soon or even saying it at all. He then replied once he composed himself.

"I do too Prairie, but I'm afraid I just don't feel the same for you as before." he says with empathy along with uncertainty, placing both his hands on mine which were resting on the table. He was smiling but once I looked into his eyes, there were muddied with anguish and sorrow.

Then something in my gut told me he wasn't telling me everything. He probably left off an event in the past year he didn't tell me. Is that what's bothering him, or making him feel this way?

I had to find out what was disturbing him. I didn't know what made me feel the need to, but I wanted to find out anyway. I wanted to help him the least bit, like he did with me before.

He looks away from me so we don't lock ourselves in each other's gazes. This made me uncomfortable, but I still find a way to talk. I realized how much I actually loved him, and at this point there was no turning back.

"Don't you think we could make it work though?" I sounded desperate, but at this point I really did accept the fact that I missed him so much. He still doesn't look at me. My hand makes its way to his surprisingly toned arm. "Conan..."

He finally looks at me and holds my hand that was on his arm, gently engulfing it in his two palms like I could break down at any moment. Like I was the most fragile thing in the whole world.

"I'm sorry Prairie. I didn't tell you this detail a while ago because I thought you wouldn't take it nicely, but I realized I don't want to hide the truth from you of all people. Lately, I've—" before he even got to finish his sentence, someone entered the coffee shop and called him.

That voice...

That god forsaken voice that makes me boil every drop of my blood. It haunted me at the back of my mind for so long. I despised it. I wished for the owner of that voice to burn right then and there.

I looked to see the person entering the door. Even until now, the sight of her made me want to kill myself. It's like all the past anger I felt towards her were all compiled just for this moment.

I quickly let go of Conan's arm. My shoulders tense as she goes nearer to me. I felt my nostrils slightly flare at the mere sight of her. For all I know my pupils could have even contracted to a tiny dot. That's how much I loathed seeing her face.

"Babe, there you are!"

Liz walks in our direction and stops beside me. "Oh my god, Prairie! Is it really you?" she asks so sweetly, it was plastic. "It's been too long since I've heard from you. How's life been treating you?" she asks almost condescendingly.

Very bad now that you're hear.

I look up to her and give a fake smile, knowing hers wasn't genuine either. She looked happy but I could tell my presence annoyed her. You could see the malice in her eyes caked up with too much eyeshadow and concealer.

"I've been doing better, and you?" I say, trying to be polite. That didn't really do anything since there was too much tension, not even a chainsaw could slice it.

"Everything's swell! The bands doing great too."

They'd be doing better without you though.

"Do you mind if I sit?" she asks and I nod reluctantly. She walks away from me and sits beside the empty chair beside Conan, who was currently painfully watching the both of us trying not to lose our shit in each other's presence.

"So... you two a thing?" I ask and the dark haired boy sips on his iced coffee slowly, probably so that he wouldn't answer my question.

"Oh yeah, and we're almost reaching three months. Can you believe it? I've never been this happy in my life with someone!" Liz squeals like some school girl as she intertwines her arm around Conan's.

Then I noticed something between their interaction. Liz is all mushy and all that lovey-dovey shit while Conan.. well... he didn't seem too excited. He was very nonchalant about the whole thing.

It could just be me trying to make myself better, but I swear I saw him scrunch up his nose slightly at Liz's super clingy contact. I'm surprised he hasn't even rolled his eyes yet.

What surprised me even more was that suddenly, I wasn't angry anymore. I felt pure sadness at the sight in front of me. No, I felt worse, almost depressed.

It's like a part of me finally realized how much I've been giving myself false hope all this time. As if Conan would even have feelings for me in the first place.

Did he even have feeling for me?

At this point it didn't matter. He's with someone now, and that someone isn't me. The though of that made me want to cry. I felt tears making it's way out, my eyes starting to get watery.

I resist this urge and look away from the couple in front of me, distracting myself by looking at random people in the coffee shop.

"Anyways, we have to go now babe. We still have a lot to do!" Liz says excitedly and grabs Conan's arm. I see him look at me with an emotion I couldn't really read, but I was sure as hell he didn't look happy.

I then looked at Liz who was now smirking at me, her eyes like a cat's. Then, what she did next was what made me snap. It made me want to scream my lungs out and never look at anyone's face ever again.

She kissed Conan in the lips. It lasted a good minute and once he finally pulled away(more like pushed Liz away), she looked at me in the eyes again.

Real fucking mature.

"See you, Prairie." she waves her hand and drags Conan out of the cafe. I was left there seated all alone, Conan's unfinished cup of iced coffee getting diluted with the melting ice.

I stayed there frozen. I didn't know what to make of this. "Prairie, I saw what happened. Are you alright? Who was that woman?" I barely hear Mandy's voice as she makes her way to my table.

She tries gingerly shaking my shoulder. I didn't answer her, nor did I respond with a simple action. It was like I forgot how to speak. There were so many emotions attacking me that I didn't know how to function properly.

Then, I did what my first instinct was.

Without even giving Mandy a warning, I got up as quickly as possible. It took me a while to balance myself though, as I started getting dizzy from standing up too quickly (iron deficiency check).

Mandy jumped back at my action but I didn't care. I then sprinted out of the coffee shop, running out on the pavement trying not to hit the passerby's.

I then entered my car, slamming the door shut. I turned the engine on, and as soon as it did and started making that humming noise, I drove.

☹☹☹

Goshdangit why do I do this to my bb Prairie
Things'll get better I promise!!

God bless and hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!
-iana <3