𝕃𝕆𝕊𝔼ℝ • conan gray

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛𝟛

☹☹☹

If I'm being honest, the past weeks aren't really the greatest. For some reason, I still can't get him out of my mind.

Two weeks. Two weeks have passed and I still think about him and that day. I end up crying myself to sleep because of my excessively loud thoughts.

Most nights I go out to the balcony and just cry in silence, watching various cars pass by the small street I live in. Strangely, the sight of things passing by just relaxes me.

Alisa tried helping me get over him, but for some reason my thoughts always wander back to him. I'm afraid I've become lovesick of this boy.

The worst part is I can't do anything about it. If Conan is happy with Liz (I hope he is), then that's good enough for me to be happy. But why do I still cry over this fact?

There's definitely something wrong with me.

I woke up at 11am on a Saturday morning, spending the first few minutes of being awake just in my bed, staring into space.

I didn't have the motivation to do anything. I didn't feel like hanging out with Alisa or my other friends and acquaintances, but it was a good thing they understood.

I was supposed to go on a gig today, but I was so exhausted with everything that I just cancelled it the day before. So right now, I had nothing else to do but grieve some more.

I had set an objective for myself today, and that was to move on. Move on from him, and every single history between us. I had to do it sooner or I'd completely go more insane than I already am.

I got up and made my bed, changing into nicer clothes even if I wasn't going anywhere. If I was gonna get over him, I might as well look good doing it. I don't see the logic either but I still did it.

I put on a simple white sleeveless shirt tucked in a pair of light wash jeans, leaving my face bare since I didn't feel like putting make up on. Kind of ironic because of my point a while ago though.

I entered the kitchen and decided to open my phone to look for some good lunch recipes. I decided I'm gonna go with some chicken marinara. I prepared the ingredients on the countertop and started following the instructions on the recipe.

A few minutes later I decided to play some music to make the living space feel more lively. I pressed shuffle and continued stirring the sauce in the pot.

The moment the first song played, I instantly regret my decision of playing music. It sounded like his voice- and turns out it was. It's like he's haunting me.

'I don't love you anymore'
A pretty line that I adore
Five words that I've heard before—

I immediately stopped playing and checked to see the song. And holy shit, it is him. I checked the title and saw it was called 'The Cut That Always Bleeds'.

I wasn't familiar with this track and suddenly got curious. I know I was supposed to get over him today, but I just can't help it.

Somebody better stop my emotional ass right now.

I pressed on the track and many other new songs appeared on the screen before my eyes. I then scrolled up to read the album name.

Kid Krow

I looked at the album cover. There he was, sitting in the middle with a crow over him, the background just plain white. He really does look different.

I didn't want to hurt myself even more by listening to the songs and his voice, so I exit Spotify and just go to YouTube for music.

Apparently that was a very bad idea because the first thing I saw on my recommendation was lyric videos of songs from his album and recent interviews. I placed my hand on my face, then pinched the bridge of my nose.