𝕃𝕆𝕊𝔼ℝ • conan gray

𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕥𝕖𝕣 𝟛𝟟

☹☹☹

I didn't move a single bit; I was too frozen and taken aback to do so. It took me a thick second to let what was happening sink in and once it did, I didn't resist. I close my eyes, and my hands trail up to Conan's arms. As my arms snake around his neck, I could feel his long tangles brushing against my skin; it felt soft and almost ticklish.

Our lips move in perfect synchronization. his hand makes its way to the side of my face, pulling me deeper into the kiss; I don't refuse and move closer.

My hands start playing with his long hair; twirling it around and whatnot. Conan, however, was getting very passionate. His kiss started becoming hungrier, and he tries pulling my body closer to his.

This feeling; it's extraordinary. It felt just as fiery as the first time I experienced it. The fucking fourth of July was practically happening inside me. I instantaneously felt goose bumps on my skin.

God, how I missed this feeling.

But as much as I yearned for his lips on mine, I had to pull away. I slowly and gently push him away from me, but I knew damn well I was missing the contact.

I look up at the perplexed Conan. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, and his head was slightly tilted to the side. I give him a look of remorse, maybe with the slight hint of doubtfulness.

"What is it? Did I do something wrong?" the freckled boy stutters, placing his hand on my knee. "No, you're great," I assure him as I place my hand on top of his that was on my knee.

Conan gives out a sigh of relief. "But I don't think we should be doing this." I continue, which made him frown again. I move slightly to the other end of the couch, farther from his side.

We become silent again, but this was more of an uncomfortable one. I realized I should've thought this through. Maybe he thought I let him stay so something like this could happen. As much as I enjoyed it, I was genuinely just being a friend and trying to help.

I stood up clearing my throat, and brushed off the nonexistent dirt off my pajamas. "We should probably get some rest now." I start walking towards the location of my bedroom when I feel a hand grab my arm gingerly.

"Wait, I still want to talk." I look back to see Conan with pleading eyes. I look down, biting my lip in thought as I contemplate on what to do. "Please?" he says softly. I sigh and reluctantly make my way back to the couch.

I sit down and proceed to look down on my lap, waiting for Conan to speak. "What happened back there?" he questions, and I knew exactly what he was talking about. I sigh, "I just don't want to do it right now."

"Why not?"

"Conan," I look up at him, placing my hand on his shoulder. "You just broke up with your girlfriend. Don't you think it's too soon?" the boy looks down, sighing softly. "The best thing for you to do right now is to be alone. You need to clear your head first." he didn't look too happy with what I told him.

"Why does everyone think I need to be alone? Can't you see I don't want to?" he says exasperatedly. "The exact reason I came here to your apartment was so that I could feel less alone," he looks me in the eyes. "Being by yourself stuck with your own thoughts suck ass, Prairie."

"Conan—" before I could continue to speak, he cuts me off. "Why can't you see it, Prairie? I really like you." I feel my heart beat faster. "I wouldn't have come here right now if I could just stop thinking about you but I can't; I can't get you out of my mind. I want you, Prairie. I really, really want you."

"Conan, I don't think you're thinking straight right now. You have to get some rest," I pat his shoulder. "You're just tired." I try to calm him down but he just scoffs looking away from me.

Once he calms down, we both remain silent for a moment. Conan looked as if he was deep in his thoughts when his eyebrows raise, as if light bulb lit up. "This isn't about me, isn't it?" he says with realization. I gulp at what he says.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I try to play it cool, but I was too befuddled to hide what I was feeling. He just gave me a side glance that said 'don't give me that excuse'.

"I really do just think you need some time alone." I insist, but I hear him mutter "Bullshit." under his breath. "That's not what you thought before when it was you experiencing this."

"That was the past, Conan." I say through gritted teeth. I was starting to become infuriated with this boy's stubbornness so I take a deep breath. "I just don't think now would be the right time to go straight in a relationship again."

Conan scoffs as he shakes his head, knowing full well that I was just making up excuses. "Just tell me the truth. Why is that so hard?"

And that's when I snapped.

"Because, Conan," I yell which made the boy beside me flinch a bit. "I'm terrified!" I feel tears start to form in my eyes, but I fight the urge to let them out.

"I'm fucking terrified of what comes next. I'm tired of having to deal with all this pain. I'm too exhausted to put up with all this heartbreak that everyone just shoves in my face." my voice kept faltering but I didn't care anymore. "I'm through... I don't want to."

Conan was left speechless; his mouth opening and closing simultaneously as he didn't know what to say. "I thought I could put all those past traumas behind me, but they kept coming back. Ever since that day after tour, when you left me."

I stood up and Conan doesn't move. "I'm not ready to be with you yet. Not when you did those things to me." I say and the dark haired boy in front of me looks down.

"Let's get some sleep." Conan says softly from the couch and I nod, feeling the tears that were welling up in my eyes subside. He tucks himself in on the couch, engulfing himself in the soft blanket I prepared for him; he sighs closing his eyes as he gets ready to fall asleep.

I open the door to my bedroom giving one last look at Conan. "Goodnight, Prairie." he says with his eyes closed. I don't say anything for a short while.

"Goodnight..." I finally reply, and with that I closed the door. I make my way to my soft bed, calling for me to lay down in. I plop myself onto my soft mattress and cover half of my body with my blanket. I check the clock on my bedside table to see that it was already 2am.

I stare at the ceiling for a minute, cooling down from tonight's happenings. I finally feel myself getting drowsy, and with that I allow myself to doze off in my long awaited slumber.

☹☹☹

Have another one of these cursed beauties

God bless and hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!
-iana <3