Loving an Idol • Liu Yuxin and Kong Xueer FF

22

Court? Isn't that too deep and serious?

It's like dating someone with the intention of marrying them. Commitment is always related to courtship, right? — it's the act of being dedicated. — Dedicated in a sense that: coherence in its interest is superior. It's a big word and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

"WOOOOOHHHHHH, never thought that Snow would have a girlfriend!", Alexa cheered.

"Yeah, never thought that I would meet someone like her.", Marco said as she gave me soft glances.

They were all so happy but I somehow felt different. I'm no longer connected with them and I feel so out of place; They were like a puzzle and my piece cannot fit in. I tried my hardest to be in their conversation — to atleast be with the flow but it was all useless.

"So can I court you?", with the click of a question, I came back to my senses.

The atmosphere was so tense — it pressured me. Both Keran and Alexa were joyful; wide smiles and a glimpse of hope on their precious faces. I can't let them down and I can't force myself either.

"Sooooo?", Keran uttered.

I don't know.

"She's taking so long because she's definitely filled with excitement.", Alexa teased that had made Marco blushed, cherry cheeks and glowing eyes.

How can I say no?
How can I let them down?
How can I hurt someone like Lin fan?

"Marco likes you Snow — to an extent that her vacation became a long stay here in the U.S, even I: was forced to fly here and accompany her.", Keran said.

"Can I court you Ms. Snow Rivas?", Marco asked for the third time.

For a moment, I was the center of interest. The spotlight had found my weakest point. Each of them was focused and are patiently waiting for my answer. I was in the verge of saying the word 'No' — but I just couldn't profess it.

Why do I feel like this was some kind of responsibility that I have to comply? — why.

I took a deep breath before I answered Marco.

"Ofcourse", I faked a smile and everyone broke into happiness. The three of them were so happy that I could've sworn, I saw Marco in tears; perhaps tears of joy.

"Thank you for giving me this chance. I promise! I'll prove myself to you.", Marco cried in full gratitude.

I'm profoundly speechless and all I could do was to fake another smile for them. This is not what my heart wants — this is not where I supposed to be.

This is all a huge mistake — what am I even thinking?

My phone vibrated from my pocket: a notification had popped up on my screen.

• I think u forgot to return my coat and jacket lol

It was Liu Yuxin; I didn't forgot about it. For some unknown reasons, I'd love to keep it for myself. I want to have something that reminds me of her.

• yeah, don't worry. I'll give it back on Monday

'would I see her on school? — Monday is the continuation of classes. The event was supposed to end tomorrow evening and by next week, everything will be back to normal.

I was all caught up in my head that I'd forgotten the people around me. They're still having a nice chat; Marco and Alexa being funny while Keran was uncontrollably laughing out loud. The scene had stopped when Marco's phone rang.

"Oh it's Xin, excuse me for a minute.", she excused herself and made her way out of the kitchen.

Xin

Her name gives hope of happiness. I'm stuck in a situation that I'd accepted for myself. Torn between the joy of someone else and not considering the further consequences of my action.

Little by little, I'm starting to understand myself.