Loving an Idol • Liu Yuxin and Kong Xueer FF

35

I raised both of my eyebrows as I waited for her answer. My heart was beating heavily while I gaze into Marco's eyes. I have my expectations on Xin, please; her involvement would be my destruction.

"No, I only asked her about you.", she shook his hand dismissively.

"What do you mean?", my eyebrows furrowed and my eyes didn't close in one bit. I feel so tense – in case she's involve in this set up – I'll leave for Tokyo, I'll follow my parents and I'll drop out of school. That is how big the impact will be – terrifying, right?

"Of course, she doesn't know any of this.", I shut my eyes in relief. "So what's the other condition?", Marco asked.

"Can you please help me with Liu Yuxin.", I wiggled my body from side to side; connecting the end of my pointy finger — I'm trying to be cute.

"Do you really love her?"

"Are you doubting my feelings huh?!", I frowned. "You're the one I should doubt though, you lied, remember?"

"Calm down", she chuckled. "I can help you with Xin... but with Esther...", Marco bit her lower lip while stomping her right foot on the ground, in rhythm.

"Right, Esther — but we can do this!", I feel so determined; I will be strong this time, but I'm still not sure if I could fight Esther – or at least compete with her. "I---I really love Liu Yuxin."

"I'll try my best but I won't promise, okay?", she gave me a lopsided smile; the unsure one.

"Okay, you're now forgiven Lin Fan."

"Thank you so much!", "Do you wanna go back to the hospital?"

"No, but can you accompany me to the park?", I want to relax; the last weeks have been 'no chill', I'm so exhausted. "I want to release all my stress."

"Okay... but please don't kill me. I apologized already!", Marco said.

"I won't", I laughed inwardly.

Marco didn't open the door for me this time, but it's totally fine. If she did — I might feel a bit off and awkward. I hopped inside the car, made my self comfy and turned on the radio without Marco's permission.

"Woah, so comfortable huh!?", Marco teased as I leaned my back on the chair.

"Shhhh, drive quietly.", I said, making a hush look.

"Yes Ma'am Rivas!", as I said; the whole ride was in silence. The radio was damn. I can't understand anything. The songs were in Chinese and I can't vibe with it.

We reached the park after an hour on the busy road. I got out before she could even park the car, Marco followed behind me as I leap my way to the nearest bench. I sat down and breathed like I'm doing yoga. I devour the cold breeze of air; I feel like I float and all my worries past by the wind. This is why I love this park, it's such a stress reliever.

"I'm really upset.", I said.

"Why?"

"If you didn't got in my way. I could've been with Xin by now.", yet I was so in denial before.

"Sorry...", she mumbled.

"It's fine", I replied.

"I'm sorry for being too inconsiderate. I didn't know that I would cause so much problem for you."

"Marco, uhmm I'm not really mad or something. I'm just regretting my decisions, if I didn't denied everything; I'll be happy.", I uttered. "There would be no Esther to deal with; I could've saved a lot of time."

I'm really in regrets now. I did every single thing wrong. Why is it so difficult to admit your feelings? – like, my heart knows how I wanted Liu Yuxin back then, but I just can't bring myself towards her; she was truly intimidating. I can't stand a moment with her. Everytime she's around, I feel like I would pass out by her glorious beauty. Liu Yuxin is mad-danger, once you fall; there's no turning back.

"Everything happens for a reason Snow. Don't lose hope, I'll help you.", Marco smiled.

"Thanks", I mumbled.

The 'cheating set up' by Marco didn't really affected me; I'm just upset that I did everything for her — I ditched Liu Yuxin for fake love. From the start, I knew I'm not going to feel some sort of emotion towards Marco; even if I force myself.

Actually, the problems had solved itself. The only struggle now... was Esther Yu.

"Did Alexa told you about the Charity Ball?", I glanced at Marco. What charity ball? – like a ball? – a round object? – I shook my head. "It's uhmm a party, for your school's successful charity.", Alexa didn't informed me about this... or did she? – kinda odd.

"So what's with this ball?", I asked.

"It's like promenade night – prom night to be exact. Alexa invited me and Keran; oh and there's a twist.", I felt a lump in my throat as I realized that Alexa never mentioned about this before. Well usually, I'm the first person she seeks knowledge when it comes to events on our school. Now this is kinda strange.

"What's the twist?", I'll confront Alexa about this; I don't feel well, something's unusual.

"The couple of the night will be granted an award. A lovingly time in the orphanage, it's open to the queer; LGBT.", oh. "So are you going?", she asked.

"I'm not sure. I'm gonna talk to Alexa first.", I was hiding my curiousity behind my intoxicated smile. What came up? — Why am I not informed about this?

"Well okay, you should have a date!", she teased.

"Eh?"

"Snow, that's a mother effing ball. You need someone to dance into the dancefloor.", Marco explained. Oh yeah, I never attended such events; I skipped my prom before. It's not that I have nothing to wear but... I failed to have a date; Struggles of being unattractive though.

"Hmm I'll go with Liu Yuxin.", I bravely stated, as if Xin was my property.

"Uhmm Esther's going with her.", tf... Esther's also invited?

"Imma go with Keran then!", I let my hands flew in the air.

"Ehem, Alexa", what the fuck.

"I'll go with you!", I shouted.

"I'm sorry, I'm bringing Gia with me.", she scratched the back of her head; apologetic for how I can't be with her on the ball.

"This is the only time that I felt such sadness in the word 'single'.", I don't really mind being single before, but in times like this; I always feel like a loser.

I'm still wondering why Alexa didn't bother to tell me about this Charity Ball. Why the fuck is Esther invited while I was left behind, totally unaware of the upcoming event. I don't like what I'm feeling – Alexa is my best friend.

My gut feelings were in paranoia; what if? – no. I'm probably just being paranoid at the moment.

Marco's cheating set up was fine, I could manage – but, the betrayal from my best friend will be the end of my joy.