Loving an Idol • Liu Yuxin and Kong Xueer FF

40 - Finale

Weeks after the traumatic comatose shits. I lie in bed; confused if I'm worth the life I was given. The doctors, as well as the nurses had told me that my case was somewhat miraculous. Deep sleep for 2 months was consider a life and death situation. My parents was beyond grateful for my recovery, though; they never knew – that I prefer my life in my dreams, than the reality of lonely ubiquitous-stereotypical days. –

For eternity, I've been broken. I was shattered into pieces. My heart was in agony, owing to the fact; that I was in love with my dreams more than my reality.

"Alexa?" I called out.

"Yes Snow?"

"H-How's Liu Yuxin?" the name itself brought me pain. I love her till now, and definitely – till my last breath.

"Why do you keep on asking about her?" the curiosity in her voice have provoked me, like; I was guilty of something. "What's with Liu Yuxin?"

"Nothing, I was just idolizing her." I gazed at the photos I'd printed, days before the accident. "So much"

"She's fine, uhmm – I heard that she's comfortable with the school, and the people around her."

"So she did enrolled?" I saw her before I collapsed. The same enchanting Yuxin in my dreams, sitting comfortably on the lobby's couch.

"Yeah?" Alexa moved closer to me, and sat beside my spot. "Why do you keep on asking about her?" the tone of her voice was somehow curious, yet intrigued.

"Nothing. I just saw her, before my sight fades to black."

"She's actually the one who called the ambulance back then." s-she did? – calm down Snow. Don't get ahead of yourself, don't expect for miracles, cause this is the real world. An Idol x Fan love story doesn't exist in this dimension; only fools fall, only fools. "Hey, are you alright?" Alexa tapped my shoulder, and I came back to my senses.

"Yes"

"Are you going to school today?"

"No"

"Please" she pleaded with full concern.

"Okay then, I'll just take a bath." I left for the bathroom.

To be honest, I feel hopeless. The dream had so much impact, that I no longer want to live. I-I just ugh — why does it have to be this way? — I could've been in peace while in coma! Why does life has to be so cruel?

The water felt odd. I'm in the verge of total psychotic thoughts. I feel like uhm - I'm going crazy. It badly hurts inside, my head was aching with ideas; expecting for what I know, will never be true.

I'm tired.

After my bath, I changed into my uniform. I glanced at the window, to find that... the house was never been there – it has always been an open space; filled with trees and pure green grasses. I turned to my bed, and the bear was also fictional, it's never been real. None of it ever existed in my world.

I-I have always been delusional, those were just dreams - just dreams.

"Oh you look great." Alexa complimented, eyes sparkling like a diamond. She was hoping for my continuous recovery, but; would I recover from the pain of my illusions?

"Thanks" my voice trembled, as if I was questioned to court of all honesty and desperation. I'm eager for the love of someone, who doesn't give shits about me.