Invisible Line in Between

Chapter 21

#NewClassicILIB

Chapter 21
Memories

I wished that I could go back time to save my mother, but I knew I couldn't. And so, I just hoped for the time to freeze until I was finally fine, but I also knew it was impossible.

The water would keep on flowing. The arms of the clock wouldn't pause from turning. The earth wouldn't stop spinning. People would continue living. I had no choice but to go with the flow and move forward as time would never wait for me.

After a week of absences from school, I went to class again to keep up with my academics. My professors gave me consideration to take the quizzes and exercises I missed and extended my deadlines because I went through something so grave. They all sympathized with my pain as I just lost my mother.

I was like a robot programmed to do what I needed to do in order to keep on living. I woke up every day just to do the same routine over and over again. It was tiring. I just pushed myself to survive each day because I had to, not because I wanted to. That was how I lived each passing day, ever since my mother died.

It's a life without purpose; a life without meaning.

I detached myself from social media and from other people. Kahit kina daddy at Kuya Zedrick ay hindi ako masyadong nakikipag-usap. Fortunately, for my brother, Ate Allison was doing a great job to help him move on. Si daddy ay hindi ko alam kung ano na ang nangyayari sa kanya. He took one more week of leave from work, after my mother's funeral. However, he was always out and he would only come back late at night.

The household was a complete chaos. The house seemed like it was made of lego blocks that had been disassembled when my mother died. We weren't in complete harmony when she was still alive, but it wasn't this shattered.

Now, we live in the same house, but we all have different lives. We stop acting like a family anymore.

Jerlyn tried to hang out with me every time she wasn't busy with school works. Even though I wasn't paying much attention to her presence, she would quietly stay by my side.

Every time Jerlyn wouldn't come here and I didn't have anything to do, I would lock myself inside the master's bedroom. I would spend my time there. It was excruciating to imagine how lonely my mother was inside this big room. Alone.

I could picture her crying herself to sleep every night, having unsettling thoughts and anxiety attacks. It felt like I could still feel her tears on her pillow and her warmth on her side of the bed.

"I wish you were still here..." I whispered, while hugging her favorite pillow. "I miss you so much."

Kapag mag-isa ako sa kuwarto niya, pakiramdam ko ay doon lang bumabalik ang aking pagkatao. In that room, I could somehow feel her presence. It felt like she was still here with me. Paglumalabas ako ay hindi ko na rin minsan nakikilala ang sarili ko dahil sa aking pinagbago.

Feeling thirsty after doing my homework, I went out of my room to get water from the kitchen. I was halfway down the stairs when I saw daddy and Kuya Zedrick having a serious conversation in the living room. Though they could already see me here, they didn't notice my presence because they were both engrossed with their talk.

I stopped from going down in order to hear their conversation. I wanted to know what they were talking about.

There was a lot of tension going on in between them. I knew how much my brother hated my father. He believed that our mother's death was his fault.

Well, I could understand him for thinking that way. Even I blamed my father for her death. His alleged affairs put too much emotional stress on her. She couldn't handle her own emotions because of him. She completely broke down which led to her choice of taking her life.