Bad Decisions - Alex Turner

32. Endings, Beginnings

Five years.

I had had someone by my side for the last five consecutive years and this was the first time I was on my own since then. It was terrifying and it was freeing.

I no longer had anyone to call up when I woke up or before I went to bed every day. I had no one to say 'I love you' to, nor anyone to kiss or screw when I felt like it. I had no one to worry about cheating on me. And I no longer had to feel like I had to put my own happiness aside for someone else. As much as I hated being alone at first, I grew to accept it. It took time but I eventually found peace without Christian in my life.

A lot happened whilst Alex, Nick, Matt, Jamie and the rest of them were on their current leg of their tour. A lot of therapy sessions and a lot of crying on my own and building myself back up.

My friends were always there to talk to me, Jackson and Saorise especially, and give me advice or tips in helping me move on. On top of that, Alex called me whenever he could just to check up on me and make sure I was doing okay.

Miles and I hung out quite a bit whilst everyone was away since we were the only two left behind. He was a big help in talking my break up out. He always knew the right things to say without making me feel attacked or condescended. He even helped me with the entire process of me moving into a new apartment.

It was hard as hell letting my house go but in reality, without a roommate it was getting tough to pay rent and I had more than enough space on my hands. On top of that, the place just reminded me of Christian in every room I walked into. It made it easier to move on by moving out of the place entirely.

I loved that house. It was perfect for me at the time, the area, the extra studio space, the bushes and garden out the front, so it really sucked to see everything in boxes, completely barren on the last day I was there. Along with the bad memories of Christian it held a lot of good memories too. Had I never lived there I would've never met Alex, or Miles, or Nick, or any of them. But I had to move on and leave that chapter of my life behind. That chapter being the last five years.

Luckily, I managed to find an affordable apartment quite close to my old place. It was a comfortably sized apartment with nicely high ceilings and a small balcony that overlooked a fairly underwhelming view but I couldn't have expected much more. It was single bedroom but had a study which I repurposed as my knew sculpting den. It felt alien being in another place at first, but over time I grew to fall in love with it the way I had with the old place.

Miles helped me move all the boxes and reassemble all the furniture and redecorate the entire place. Oddly, there was a fireplace in my bedroom that had been blocked off so it couldn't be lit but it was a nice addition to the room. The place also had a lot of natural light which was a score.

"Thank you so much," I said to Miles and hugged him tight as we finally finished setting up my new place. He'd helped me make it into my dream apartment with pieces of art everywhere along with following along with one set aesthetic that made everything cohesive and satisfying to look at.

"Anytime darling," Miles smiled.

On my birthday, my LA friends all surprised me by taking me out to dinner. I was afraid I was going to spend it alone since Christian was now out of the picture, but they sure as hell made it ten times better than he ever could. Ending the night with drinks at my place with Jackson and Miles once Saorise, Meg, Nat and my other friends went home.

"You're still welcome to bring an extra person," Saorise said to me at the door. She was talking about her wedding. Everything was all set for June and up until a few weeks ago, I was going to be going with Christian. She had set everything up for two people, for example tables and accommodation.