Bad Decisions - Alex Turner

35. Two Hearts In Two Months

"Wait, what!?" It was like the world had stopped moving and thrown me into a wall at its unannounced halt.

"We, uh, we decided together it's best we break things off," Arielle said, her voice empty of the light it always contained.

  I was speechless. I didn't know how to react, what to do, what to say. Never in a million years did I ever expect to hear that phrase exit her mouth. Not even after that one phrase Alex had said before he left that had been tearing me to shreds. The first thing I felt was immense guilt. The second was second-hand heartbreak.

  "What happened?" I finally managed, finding myself frozen in time.

  Arielle sighed, "we talked about it for awhile and...it's what's best. I'm heading back early and I just wanted to tell you."

  "I thought everything was perfect between you two?" I asked.

  "We're both in love with different people," Arielle admitted. My heart skipped a beat. "It's sucky in theory but we both realised at the same time so we're both on the same page. We just want each other to be happy and that just isn't us being together anymore." She didn't sound in tears although I knew she must be hurting, in fact she sounded pretty put together.

  "I'm so sorry," I said. I felt terrible. I was scared that she was pretending to be okay in front of me when she really wasn't.

  "It's okay," Arielle said with a lighthearted laugh. "It's not your fault."

  "There's no bad blood between me and him," she continued, "it was a mutual agreement, probably the best way things could've ended between us. We're still friends, but, it was about time we let each other go. It's for the best."

  "Are you okay?" I asked, tentatively.

  "Yeah," Arielle exhaled, "I mean it's still sad but as I said, we're both in love with different people and we could see that."

  "Oh..." I said quietly.

  "I get back day after tomorrow," Arielle said fairly cheerfully, "do you wanna grab lunch together or something? Just so we can talk and catch up?"

  I cleared my throat, "yeah, absolutely."

  "Okay, awesome," Arielle said. "I'll see you then."

  "Okay," I nodded, my mind in so many different places I could barely think straight.

  "Hey, O," Arielle said softly, snapping me out of my downward spiral. I held my breath immediately at her change in demeanour. "I just want you to know that I don't blame you..."

  Fuck. This was the undeniable proof that I didn't want to hear. It was my fault. I was part of the reason. Some part of me was hoping when Arielle said they were in love with other people, that for Alex it meant someone else. That he'd found someone else. I didn't want it to be me but at the same time I did. I didn't want to be the one to hurt Arielle and create a tear in their relationship but I know that I wouldn't be able to bear hearing that he loved someone else if that was the case. Confusion bubbled inside me like a cruel poison.

  "I'm not mad," Arielle continued, "I still love you endlessly okay? You're like my sister."

  "I'm sorry," is all I could say.

  "Don't be," Arielle said softly, "it's not your fault, it's okay, both me and Al are happy with our decision. The last thing I want is for you to blame yourself."

  She was too nice. I didn't deserve her kindness. Not after being the reason she and her boyfriend broke up. I felt horrible. I couldn't even think about how this might've meant Alex and I could finally pursue each other. It failed to register in my mind.