Dick Grayson Trash

Holy Musical B@man

-Great thanks to @TheSamonShiper for the epic request! I wanted to save it for Part 30! leave your requests in the comments, or message me!-

-his is a long musical, so I had to skim through it quite a bit. If you've never seen this awesome show, the whole thing is on YouTube! This part won't make sense if you haven't seen it...-

Okay, lets skip the bullshit: Dick, Roy, Wally, and Roy woke up in a theatre where the doors don't open. They can't make contact with anyone, and have no fucking idea what's happening.

"Dude- the screen!" Wally gripped the boys arm. The screen was lighting up, a logo appearing across it."

"What the hell?" Barbra asked. "What's 'Starkid'?"

Their ears were blessed by angelic singing, 'One shot! Two shots in the night, and they're gone, and he's all left alone. he's just- One Boy, two dead at his feet and the blood stains the street. and there's nothing, no there's nothing, he can Do...'

The Beat drops, title card flashes, and the figure onstage completes an exquisite quick change into Batman

"Hold the pho- hold the fucking phone!"

"Wait, What?"

"Why did It say holy musical B@man?" Dick exclaimed. "It this a... MUSICAL? About? BATMAN?"

"How does it know Bruce's origin story?" Barbra asked. "What's this?"

They watched in what can only be described as horror as they met an 'Alfred', and what seemed to be Commissioner Gordon, which GREATLY offended Barbra.

Things went pretty alright, if extremely campy. Most of the jokes hit, even if they made Dick uncomfortable. things heated up when one particular character was introduced...

"SUPERMAN?" Wally nearly fell out of his seat.

"They chose... the skinniest guy in the cast. I mean, he is kinda hot, but still!"

"I love his 'flying'!" Barbra cackled.

They thought 'Alfred' was a scream. The accent was ATROCIOUS! Dick claimed that Dark, Sad, Lonely, Knight was his new favorite song.

The Gotham kids were beyond offended when a techno musical number revolved around their rogues gallery.

"It's so offensive! Those guys genuinely kill people!" Barbra stated.

"What did catwoman almost say?" Dick asked. "She said: I'm a pretty little kitty, but I aint no-... what was she gonna say?"

Roy snorted. "Uh, grow up a little first."

"A twix bar?" Wally asked, eyes glued to the screen. "This guy is killing it with the puns!"

"The BALLS of killing off the joker off stage in the opening number, and then adding their own candy-themed joker..."

Dick froze up the second that he heard the word Circus. he looked at the others, wide eyed. Wally was mouthing the words 'Batman loves the circus', and laughing to himself. Dick was unsure, maybe they weren't referring to him... but they were.

"WAIT- IS THAT GUY YOU?" Wally stood up sharply, a grin growing across his face. "He's, like, twenty-five!"

"Are his shoes green? Nice touch!" Roy added.

"Bat Wayne is the only correct way to address Bruce." Barbra commented.

Dick was blushing pretty hard at this strange representation of himself. "I Don't talk like that!" He got even more uncomfortable when they said that his Parents were murdered by a robin.

Then there was the quick change. 

"AHH." Wally shouted. "The- the- GREEN- Oh My God!"

"His shorts are literally just green underwear!" Barbra cackled.

"I guess that explains the pixie boots."

Dick just covered his eyes, cringing. He stayed that way for the entirety of the Dynamic Duet. Finally, there was a few seconds for the act break, allowing him to part his fingers, and peak through them. Just as the character of Vicky Vale reappeared, talking about this universe' Robin.

Roy let out a sort as the song started. "Robin Sucks? A Whole-ass song about you sucking. I Love It!"

Wally made a face, and turned back to Dick. "You don't actually suck."

"Well Duh." Dick said sharply. It wasn't his best day. He thought the 'illegally downloading photoshop' joke was pretty good, but he forced himself to stay angry. He didn't even relax until past the bit where he was arrested.

"I feel bad for laughing at this two face, but..." Barbra snorted, putting on a nasally voice. "Two Face!" The others laughed hollowly.

After a few minutes, Roy piped up again. "Hold up- is that... OBAMA?" 

"Yes."

"Is Obama being played by the same person as Robin?" 

Dick didn't answer that one. opting instead to laugh uncomfortably as superman went through his phone-answering charade.

"Are we gonna get Batman and Superman fighting?" Wally asked. "In this, they actually have good reasons to fight."

"Proof that this musical is superior to the real world." Barbra nodded. "Also, Candy seems a lot more harmless than Harley, so..."

'Batman? More like Butthead'. 'Ungodly five-second screech'

Dick actually let himself laugh. He was going to have that burned into his mind every time he looked at his foster father.

"Wait- they're gonna fight- THEY'RE GONNA FIGHT!" Wally exclaimed.

"The eloquence in these lyrics is incredible."

"I love this song the most." Barbra assured. "It's two grown-ass men in spandex screaming 'Fuck You, I'm Gonna Kick Your Ass'! "

"That's just the Justice League in real life." Roy pointed out.

They watched on as Batman proceeded to fuck over all of Gotham. "That's unrealistic, Batman would save Gotham, even if it meant letting me be killed."

"Incorrect." Babs protested. "Dude would do anything to protect you."

"Not if it meant killing all of Gotham."

"That's debatable."

"Shh! guys! Things are happening!"

"Call Superman! Call Superman!" Wally cheered. eyes glued to the screen through the ensuing action scene. the 'flying' made them all laugh.

"It's called the Justice League." Robin frowned. "SUPER FRIENDS?"

"It has a ring to it!" Roy elbowed him. "Also, for the last time, WHO IS SPIDERMAN?"

"Hey- Green Lantern is back! and He doesn't have a beer!" Wally observed. "Hold up- THEY'RE SINGING AGAIN!"

"Is that Green Arrow?"Roy sounded offended, it was only okay when they made fun of Dick and his family. "And is he being played by a girl?!?"

"I think their Flash is also a woman..." Wally frowned. "Zatanna is kind of vibing though. She's played by Vicky Vale!"

"That God It's nearly over! I HATE ALL OF THIS!" Dick groaned, sinking so far don in his seat that he was lying horizontal.