What About Love? Catthew (editing)

Chapter 24

Matt's POV:

  I burst into tears as he leaves he Just did to me what I did too Cameron.

And I feel like shit.

  He was my everything the main reason I wanted to live.

For him.

To be with him.

  And now that he's gone what do I have to live for? I curl up into a ball hugging the pillow Carter laid his head on just a few moments ago. I inhale the scent.

It smells just like him.

I already miss him and he hasn't been gone more that ten minute's. The pain is to much to handle.

I need to.

I can't handle this without doing it. It'll ease my pain. Its the only way.

I get up going to the bathroom connected to my room and rumble around looking for my Razer.

I finally find it, but before I can connect it to my skin the door open. "Matt I left my Phon-- What the hell are you doing!?" He screams.

I  Immediately breaks down in tears. I never wanted him to see me like this. He walks over to me grabs the Razer from my hand.

  He pulled me up and hugged me. "I'm so sorry." I sob into his shoulder. He pulled back and gave me the razer. He look into my eyes. 

"If your going to do this you might as cut deep enough to kill yourself."

I opened my eyes and sat up my breathing out of control. I shook my head looking over to the clock 1:35 am. I sighed. I can't never get more than I few hours of sleep ever since that night.

  The nightmares are getting worse the past 2 week. But I haven't done it. I haven't cut. I promised myself I wouldn't do it ever again.

  And I know the Carter that I see in that dream isn't the real Carter he would never tell me to kill myself even if I did hurt him. I've called him so many times but no answer.

  I always leave him these voicemail telling him how I am and how much miss him. He doesn't even look at me at school.

  I've been getting the cold shoulder from Cameron and Jacob as well.

  I understand Cameron, but why jacob I've never done anything to him.

"Matthew?! Are you OK?!" I hear a voice yelled from the other side of the door, Its my mom.

I sigh turning on my side shutting my eyes. "Im fine please go." I say in response

I just want sleep all this off.   

-  -  -  -

"Matt....Matthew are you listening?" Aaron ask snapping my out of my thoughts.

"Um uh yeah." I say as I toss around the peas on my trays. "So you want to come?" He asked. "What?" I looked over to him.

He sighed. "What's going on? Is this about you and Carter?" He asked.

  'What do you mean?" I quickly ask. "He said you two had some sort of falling out and aren't friends anymore." He shrugged.

"He said that?" I ask in disbelief. He just nodded.

"If you don't mind my asking, what happen between you two?"

  "Nothing, just a small fight well be fine." I assured him.

"Hey." JJ said as him and jack approached the lunch table. I give a small smile as they sit down.

  "Hey guys." Aaron said. I stand up. "Where you going?" Jack asked me. "I've gotta piss." I say.

   I walk though the lunchroom doors down the hall to the boys bathroom.

  I give a smile as Cameron and I eyes meet. "Hey." I say as I walk towards the urinals were he stands. He sighed.

"Hi"

"Are you going to be mad at me forever?"

  He scoffed.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"What do want from me I said I was sorry."

"I don't want anything from you Matt. Nothing at all." He said going over to the sink. He washed his hands but before he could leave I grab his arm.

  "Cameron please."

  He snatched his arm from my grip. "Don't..... You took advantage of me. You don't get to make me fall for you then rejected me and think everything just going to be like it was before."

"Cameron I didnt--" I was cut off by hearing one of the stall doors open. I turned around seeing.... "Carter.."

Cameron left. leaving Carter and I alone.

"Him... It was him.. You and Him."

He looked more hurt then I've ever saw him.

"Cameron our friend Cameron."

  "I'm so sorry."

  He tried to leave but I couldn't let him. "Don't touch me." He hissed trying to push past me.

"No Carter please, please don't. I hate that You hate me so much you can't even look at me. I hate that I cheated. I hate it. I miss you." By know I was in tears.

  "I can't matt. I can't do this shit with you."

"I didn't think I could hate you anymore, but I do." He pushed me out of his way and left.