Take Me 2

Chapter [4]

The songs for this chapter are:

-You Found Me: The Fray

-Fire N Gold: Bea Miller

-Happy Little Pill: Troye Sivan

Selena's POV

Every second passing reminds me that I am still acting like a fool. The girl I once was the second I stepped in that front door a couple months ago, never completely left.

I am still afraid of the things I feared before. You cannot outgrown the things you never face.

Like my mother.

She again hides in my mind, easing her way from the darkest of places back to the front until her presence and words are surrounding my whole temple making me squeeze my eyes shut.

But it only makes it worse. The darkness that consumes me turns into colors of her face and I quickly open my eyes again to touch my stomach.

It's a register that I'm still here along with the life I am carrying.

And the name I have printed on my wrist. It's still there as if it will ever leave. Perhaps it will fade, like everything in this world does, but it will never completely disappear.

"You keep running little girl and see where it gets you. But I will always love you, I may have hurt you, but I will always be here for you, and I will always be with you wherever you are. I will always find you."

Justin's words ring in my ears sending unexpected chills down my spine. The chills I got when he first made moves on me, the same fear of not knowing him and what he is capable of; that is the fear that surfaced when he said those words. Ringing like a red alarm I chose to ignore all the flags and decide.

He is mine, in every sense of the word. My lucky star, the key I've yet to find, my golden heart and the only thing that sets us apart is me.

He walks with meaning not even meaning to and that's what makes him so addicting. For the boy who grew up to hate the world, he ended as the man who most embraced it.

And I pushed it away.

I took the same force he once used, like fire and threw it back in his face. It wasn't hard to say goodbye, but the twisted thoughts and regret and the true goodbye impacts.

Your mind settles into abandonment almost, and a missing piece falls away. Like a scab that had been picked at too much because of its irritation, finally falling away making the whole cut worse.

I opened his wound.

Single handedly I tore the wound open I had sworn to close, and I can't tell you how soul sinking that feeling is.

My heart is telling me to run, to go find him where ever he may be, and ask all the stupid questions and still have his love. But my head is telling me no.

Don't go. You need space. Think about Asher, think about what Justin did. Justin killed his little brother. How can you trust a man like that as the father of your child?

My mind asks only more insane, unanswered questions and I turn my head to look deep into the house.

I still hate this house.

I want the comfort of my apartment, of our apartment. I want the small fireplace and open walls to comfort me in this time of pain. I want to talk to my baby and quite growing up so fast in this stupid house.

Everything in this haunting house was a first for me. I met Justin here, knowing who he was, I kissed Justin here, I fought with Justin here, I fell for Justin here, and I miss Asher here.