Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 9 Chapter 5: Realignment

Fade in to Church still limping back to Blue Base

Church: Ow. Ow. Ow- ow.

Caboose: Church! You're home. Welcome back.

Church: Yeah, yeah thanks for helping me while the Reds just shoot me in the God damn foot.

Caboose: Yeah, well, you told us to stay on the cliff, and I did. Yeah I was helping.

Church: Oh really, then why aren't you on the cliff right now?

Caboose: Aw I thought the helping part was over.

Church: Ow. Ow. Ow, assholes, ow.

Tucker: You're back already?

Church: What do you mean 'already'? It took me half an hour to limp across this Goddam canyon.

Tucker: Yeah, but we thought they were gonna kill you. I expect you back, never. So in my mind you're early.

Church: Shut up.

Caboose: He is right about the two different times.

Church: You shut up too.

Caboose: Alright, well now the helping part is definitely over.

Church: Dammit, y-gh- this is exactly what I get for trying to fix things.

Tucker: What're you fixing?

Church: Everything, us, the Reds, trying to make things the way they're supposed to be. Yngaw, my foot.

Tucker: Are you okay?

Church: -m I ok- do I look okay do I sound, okay?

Tucker: I don't know, you're wearing full body armor and bleeding. That means you're either dying, or just whining.

Church: Well, I'm hurt. Alright?

Tucker: You want me to call Command, have them send a Medic?

Church: No. No Medic. I'm not hurt that bad. Besides, those guys are just... bad luck.

Caboose: I already called Command.

Church: You did?

Tucker: Caboose, you're not allowed to use the radio.

Caboose: Right, unless it's emergency. And then I can use it to call Command. And also 800 numbers I see on TV. 'Cause those are free to call.

Church: 800 numbers?

Tucker: Dammit Caboose, what did you order this time?

Caboose: Nothing.

Tucker: Caboose...

Caboose: I pri- I promise you'll not see anything show up here that I ordered, nothing at all. For at least six to eight weeks.

Tucker: Dammit.

Church: What the hell is he talking about?

Caboose: Well you sound upset. You'll probably want some beef jerky. It'll be ready in six to eight weeks.

Tucker: You ordered a food dehydrator, didn't you.

Caboose: Oh you won't be so mad when we're storing twice as much ammo as we normally can!

Tucker: For the billionth time Caboose, you can't dehydrate bullets.

Church: You actually order all those stupid gadgets that you see on TV?