The Choice Of Us

Family Truths

LUIS

You're only going to do her more harm than good.

You're only going to do her more harm . . . than good.

The words kept replaying inside my head since the day they were said.

I could drown the sorrow into a glass and the burn of the liquor down my throat would be no match for the ache in my chest. She looked at me, eyes moved over with no other emotion but regret over how far we came. And I curse each day I live with the guilt of knowing her aim to repudiate me was only a reaction to the past.

So here I sat once again for the third night in a row on the couch- in the dark. Powerless and unsure of what to do. There was no point it seemed to keep pushing and she was right, I had lodged myself into her life without her permission.

Why couldn't we have met in a different place and time or be in a world that was colour-blind,

A world which didn't care about the contents of skin

and judged a person for what was within.

She'll probably despise me more when she sees what I did with her brother's book.

In the hate we will prosper

That phrase had been drummed into me by my father since the moment I began to talk. Began to comprehend more of what was around me. He used my small stature against me once going so far as to coerce me to turn against my own mother's will. Those were the very words that propelled me into my early days of youth to behave a certain way.

Lifting up my hand I trace the outline of a scar that sat on the side of my neck that nearly touched the edge of my face. I often found myself tracing this scar more often now. I used to cringe anytime I saw it staring back at me in a mirror considering the story behind it still too grim to recall. The night Tiana traced it with her fingers I was nervous and nearly collapsed in relief when she didn't ask me the story behind it.

But now. . . I wished she had. May be I could have used that moment to finally tell her.

Leaping up in surprise, I felt my heart beat erratically against my ribcage at the light switch being turned on. Turning abruptly in my seat at the intrusion I felt myself relax at the face of none other than my father and Rita.

"You know I'm almost disappointed that your body isn't in a ditch somewhere," my father lightly joked taking a seat on the chair directly in front of me. His warm, brown eyes meeting my gaze and despite the fact I was generally out of touch from my usual good mood, a small smile cracked along the edges of my lips at seeing his face. I knew that he didn't deserve any anger or contempt from me.

"Nice to see you too dad."

"Well I wish I could say the same. But knowing I have to go above and beyond to see my own son is a little fucked up, don't you think?" he inquired eyeing me carefully. Now that I thought about it, I felt bad for neglecting him a little. And now that mom had left, I knew I should have done a better job being around but there had been so much going on.

"Ease up on the kid, dad," Rita mumbled leaning against the wall smirking," it's not his fault he's got a social life."

"So just because he's been getting some action, that's his excuse for being so silent."

"I don't kno-"

"Save us the bullshit, Uncle Logan told us about you and Tiana," Rita replied shuffling further into the room to take a seat. I was floored and didn't know how to respond and settled on annoyance at Uncle Logan's inability to keep his mouth shut.